Posted on: Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Posted at: 6:28 AM
today was a not so good day...
it started off with a really depressing chem tutorial...i din understand the whole thing...wondered why i even took chem when i practically failed all my tests and exams for chem in sec 4. im sorry God, i think that time You wanted me to take physics, and i din listen, now im just suffering for my own decisions. haiz... i must break through! i must learn how to listen to Him with an open heart, with faith, and not with fear. i want to be obedient!
anyway, the day moved on with everyone saying me very bimbo. haiz...its just my actions la, and i dont exactly want to change for others, cuz sometimes its really just the way that i am. im sorry if u dont like it... and i see people giving raised eyebrows, roll eyes, and i cant help but notice every detail and wonder what exactly are they thinking inside. do they find me weird? am i really bimbo? is it very annoying? should i attempt to change? this tots keep running thru my mind.
and then almost everybody started saying that me and geraldine look alike, and my gp teacher called me Geraldine! then george from A06 say we look alike...dots... not that i offended or anything, haha, just stating wat happened.
then rachel say i very er...how to translate to english ah? its something along the lines of bimbo and sa-jiaoing...just because i said 'this guy not bad ah, quite shuai' and 'wad crap lo!(x5)' thats all i did. and then haiz...dunno la, the easter thing also. maybe its just my prob la, aahhh...i very scared will become like last time liddat! i dowan!
maybe its because of this constant insecurity coming back and my reluctance and fear to hear God that i cant really grow a lot or be a leader...sad...
but on a happier note, God is gracious! He know that i feel so miserable then He cancelled PE! so i can go home like so early which was cool! yay! thanks God! my mood just changed from there lo! haha...God is the best... dont worry, i will break through someday, soon, real soon!
