Posted on: Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Posted at: 8:49 PM
I am feeding myself on excess garbage. The amount of junk food I dump into my body these days..haha.. I am excessively bored. My house is always running short of food because I am bored. I just pray that I will not grow fat. My money is depleting. Left only $1.50. Goodness knows how I am supposed to save up for everything. Offering on sunday, seoul garden, Christmas offering, presents for other ppl etc etc. I am sick at the thought of money.
Haha, forget all these stuff manz. Somebody please tell me wat u all did at vbs! Perhaps the others will grow to a whole new level as pastor said..i dunno wat will happen to me man. Haha.
2corinthians4:8-9
we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
I must repeat this to myself everyday, I am afraid that I will be too bored to bother, I am afraid that I will lose the connection with God. I really dunno wat to do. Night time is worse. There is only the tv. Slacking is really tiring! Laze here, laze there, its really really tiring and maddening! My parents are juz plain obstinate. They think its only right for me to stay at home. They think I come home later than ever on Sundays now. But they dunno that its driving me crazy! Who would want to come home early on the day they can ever go out when they know they would have to face the long long week ahead once they step into the house? Huh? I feel like tearing my hair out, juz like all the comic pple in comic books. Cannot ah, my hair too pretty le. Ah hahaha. And my parents are nice de la, sometimes.
Nvrm, I will pray more, I will worship more, I will push myself to pray and read the bible no matter how tired I may feel. At least, I hope to be more anointed in my worshipping and praying. And God, I want to know You more, to get first-hand revelation from You when I read the bible. Sometimes I really feel like crying Lord. I hoped to grow so much during the hols, I wanted to try out more things during the hols, yet..im wasting time. No matter how many times I try to tell pple and how well I can describe my feelings, it is only You who can fully understand. I am afraid that I will get used to this feeling of sianzness that I will not bother to fight and go for You. I miss everyone, although I can see them on Sunday. I miss everyone..
But I will not give up..
