Posted on: Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Posted at: 7:09 AM
I am going to try my best to write every single blog entry in close-to-perfect English. I need to improve my English! Anyway, most people, actually almost everyone wants other people to compromise to suit their own wishes. I admit, I am one of these people too. But, I am trying to have a balance, I will want people to sometimes give in a bit but I will compromise when necessary. Actually, to strike a balance, its hard, very hard. That is why I am feeling what I am feeling now. So I am listening to Korean songs from the show 'a love to kill' by Rain to soothe my soul. Suits my mood now. I do not understand why she cannot just compromise a bit, just 30 minutes to follow me somewhere when I have spent hours talking to her whenever she got problems. Not that I am forced to, but its just that i cannot stand being the one to compromise most of the time. Anti-christ, anti-korea, I wonder why I still bother to persist knowing that I am usually taken for granted most of the time. Its tiring, draining, but for the love for people, I will try. Never mind, this time I will just let it go. I feel like crying because im angry now. I only cry nowadays when I am exasperated or angry. Haha, tears of anger.
I have learnt the importance of letting go. So many times I have felt hurt, weird, doubtful, worried, nervous. Now, it does not matter, I just let go. I must make my life easier, so I will not hold on to all these negative things. Though letting go is hard, it really causes heartache but at least the pain is momentary. It takes courage too. At least I do not have to carry these heavy things with me, so whenever I feel hurt, doubtful of my existence, I just have to let go rather than think a lot. It is really painful, but when the pain subsides, it is another new beginning and it makes things really simpler. I am very proud of myself, how much I have made my life easier rather than brood over useless things, I do not like melancholic girls. Haha. So this anger I am feeling now, I will let go too. (I watched Princess Hours today, ok, this is the last time im going to watch it on channel u. now, im going mad, as usual..)
All the stuff I was holding on to from my past was keeping me bound up. I was not free.
Forgiveness was the key.
-wildflowers-
