Posted on: Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Posted at: 7:20 AM
Today is 9/8/2006, guess what? Its national day! Haha, supposed to go to my grandma's hse but I told my dad I dowan. Took me a lot of courage to say that, cuz I noe that he will be kind of disappointed and I hate or rather fear disappointing pple so ya. So now im the only one at home. I think I went overboard by saying 'there got a lot of pple, I dun like.' Cuz after all, they are still his family, my relatives. So ya.
But I really dun like, so tired, juz recovered only and my throat hurting, I dowan to go there do nth and stare at the tv, not really close to any of them anyway. My grandma is nice, ok la, nice in a way whereby she doesn't scold and she juz remains neutral most of the time we are there. Not like my other grandma, I dun think she Adores me, bcuz u see, Im not a guy and im not taken care of by her, besides, im clumsy, extremely blur, drops everything I get my hands on so ya, can see the difference btw the way she sometimes treats me and her other grandchildren. Fortunately, she has given up scolding me. Ya, I noe one of my aunts and uncles dun like me also bcuz of my clumsiness and my unladylikeness. Fortunately, they have a new born son to bother abt.
So, I dowan to go to my other grandma's hse bcuz im not familiar with the pple, and I dun like or rather fear it when im in an unfamiliar surrounding. Ugh, this fear of so many many many things is driving me crazy, I thought I was past that stage, but apparently not.. yet. Hur hur, my brother angry with me cuz he also dun feel comfortable if I dun go with him. I noe its unfilial not to go and everything but I cannot stand another moment of not knowing wat to say since I always face with the same difficulty all the time, so spare me during the hols. But I feel guilty. Scared scared scared, everything also scared, haiya, even now at home I also scared dunno later wat will happen, hopefully nothing. Juz now scared until want to pray also dunno how to get the words out, dunno scared for wat also, juz suddenly scared lohx. Dumb. Now got the tv yakking away, so nvrm. This year's ndp theme song quite nice, too bad our sch nvr tell us to sing it.
A fact abt lee joon ki: he got cry when he sing eh! I saw on youtube! Did I say before that I like guys who can cry at the right time?
---oh, and I think this yr's ndp parade show is kind of touching..
