Posted on: Monday, September 18, 2006
Posted at: 7:00 AM
Hello my dear bloggie.. juz felt like blogging smth abt my own life, my own thoughts, my own stuff. Its been a while and I have juz been filling my bloggie with crap. Haha. Aniwae, I was juz wondering abt this thing called sense of belonging. All my life I have been hopping here there and everywhere trying to find acceptance and trying to juz belong somewhere. Now, im still hopping though I noe I belong to God. Haha, im sure that I cannot do without God, but juz that im trying to find this thing called sense of belonging in church. Ok, I dunno how to elaborate further, wadeva I feel is either unexplainable or that Im juz too lazy to figure out how to untangle the chains of thoughts in my brain. Aniwae, im trying, trying hard to find out wad to do, getting the right mindset, doing the right thing, getting my heart on fire, reviving the passion. Although there are still times when I get confused and dunno wad to do, I will try to find look more towards God or find solutions, if not, at least put it on whole, but I wont think abt it cuz I scared later the devil can put even more weirder tots in my head. I muz always rmb that dumb experience and I dowan to go through the same thing again. I got a thousand qns in my brain, in my heart, but I dunno who to ask! I tried asking, but then it always gets nowhere. I want to noe how to deal with probs instead of juz burying them somewhere like I used to. Ok wait stop! Devil go away, I dun want to be affected again! Shhh!
I noe I got a lot of fears, a lot of 'I dunno how'. I dunno how to deal with them, I want someone to teach me, but everybody like so busy so I also will feel paiseh. I always look through emails without absorbing the content, so emailing to find help for me is ineffective manz. Aniwae, I was juz trying to find where I really belong in church, I am always juz hopping here then back there then here again, I dunno my team, mabbe its my fault, I din take the initiative. Oh yea, I need to find my focus. Nvrm, juz found smth really ironic but I wont say what. Haha, feel like asking God to take a pen and write all the answers down on paper or juz on air. Yay! Tml im at home the whole morning! Can worship without fearing my parents or my brother will think Im siao. Haha.
p.s sir Andrew is really stupid. Oh, and im starting to like hyun bin! Hehehx. But I still like lee joon ki!
