Posted on: Sunday, October 29, 2006
Posted at: 6:26 AM
haha, yay, can blog le! i love pastors! they are the only people i can really trust in church even though i dun have any direct contact with them. i mean i can really feel the love that they have for each and every one of us. they even sent me a birthday card on my birthday. i was so shocked i practically jumped up and screamed! haha, its juz that though this action may be considered small to others, but it really shows their love and their efforts and i really appreciate them. they have so many things to do but they can actually make an effort to ask us how we are doing etc. i love them!
today i was so so so so tired. its like this mood of weariness juz sort of set in. actually, i was thinking more about the characters of people la. today i heard two things, one was real, the other was juz a conjecture made by somebody else. i refuse to think so bad about people. last time i thought the worst of mankind but now i feel sad when some pple think that way.
i totally agree that love is blind! i have 2 living examples in my life. this two pple ah, are so preoccupied with their love for their somebody that they actually can be so blind to the care and love that others have for them. and they actually think that nobody cares! talk abt irony...its pathetic, its hurting, its sad and its irritating. but well, i dun bother la. they can juz go and focus on getting the attention of their somebody and i can juz be there and talk to them when they actually realize that there are other ppl in the world. haha, sorry, i shouldn't have said until so bad but well, i juz find it funny. last time i would juz feel so so sad, but luckily now i noe how to dun let things bother me so much. haha, i really find it kind of amusing...lol...
jiayou for o's! God is with u...and me! Ichigo kawaiineh! anyhow spell one, haha, randomness
Posted on: Thursday, October 19, 2006
Posted at: 8:38 AM
Yay, im going to graduate le, or rather, I have graduated already. Graduating ceremony was er..emotional? actually I was not really affected until I saw violet crying, I dunno why. It only kind of hit me after we sang the school song for the last time and then I saw violet crying, tears all over her face, after which I started to frown and the next thing I knew I was wailing. I cannot cry quietly so whenever I have to, I will cover my mouth with both of my hands to subdue the sobs. Haha, its quite funny. Anyway, this school is the place where I really experienced growth, heartbreaks, and most importantly, this is where I first knew Christ. So, actually, the school has a lot of my memories, good and bad. Oh, and my tears too, I think I cried a lot here. Anyway, I am not going to get emotional again, actually I thought I was past that stage, but graduation day proved me wrong.
I was having this really boring talk on the phone with violet, and we started discussing about rani. Yea, how fun can the conversation get when u are talking about rani? Lol. Anyway, violet told me it would be almost impossible for rani to get into rjc but I told her maybe a miracle will happen. After all, I believe in miracles. And violet told me if rani can get into rjc, the miracle will be like the miracle of me marrying lee joon ki or kim jeong hoon. So rani! Did u hear that? You must get into rjc, then I will be able to marry lee joon ki or kim jeong hoon! My fate depends on you ah! Haha. This is very bo liao, but then we were bored, and violet started laughing at me and scolding me for daydreaming as usual. Haiz.
This is so boring, everyday there is nothing to do except studying and watching tv. First I will study, then watch tv, then study again, then read bible, then watch tv again, then study, then watch tv again. My life now revolves around these two things. Aiyo, so sian. This is bad cuz weird thoughts will pop into my brain when my mind is idle. Stupid, so im learning to be independent and strong enough to discard all these weird thoughts and prevent it from messing up my mind, my heart etc etc. I got so bored I randomly twisted the song Perhaps Love(theme song of Princess Hours) into a praise song. Haha, no, it does not sound nice but then, it is just randomness.
Jiayou for o levels manz! Jiayou jiayou jiayou! God is with you.. and me!
Posted on: Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Posted at: 7:09 AM
I am going to try my best to write every single blog entry in close-to-perfect English. I need to improve my English! Anyway, most people, actually almost everyone wants other people to compromise to suit their own wishes. I admit, I am one of these people too. But, I am trying to have a balance, I will want people to sometimes give in a bit but I will compromise when necessary. Actually, to strike a balance, its hard, very hard. That is why I am feeling what I am feeling now. So I am listening to Korean songs from the show 'a love to kill' by Rain to soothe my soul. Suits my mood now. I do not understand why she cannot just compromise a bit, just 30 minutes to follow me somewhere when I have spent hours talking to her whenever she got problems. Not that I am forced to, but its just that i cannot stand being the one to compromise most of the time. Anti-christ, anti-korea, I wonder why I still bother to persist knowing that I am usually taken for granted most of the time. Its tiring, draining, but for the love for people, I will try. Never mind, this time I will just let it go. I feel like crying because im angry now. I only cry nowadays when I am exasperated or angry. Haha, tears of anger.
I have learnt the importance of letting go. So many times I have felt hurt, weird, doubtful, worried, nervous. Now, it does not matter, I just let go. I must make my life easier, so I will not hold on to all these negative things. Though letting go is hard, it really causes heartache but at least the pain is momentary. It takes courage too. At least I do not have to carry these heavy things with me, so whenever I feel hurt, doubtful of my existence, I just have to let go rather than think a lot. It is really painful, but when the pain subsides, it is another new beginning and it makes things really simpler. I am very proud of myself, how much I have made my life easier rather than brood over useless things, I do not like melancholic girls. Haha. So this anger I am feeling now, I will let go too. (I watched Princess Hours today, ok, this is the last time im going to watch it on channel u. now, im going mad, as usual..)
All the stuff I was holding on to from my past was keeping me bound up. I was not free.
Forgiveness was the key.
-wildflowers-
Posted on: Sunday, October 08, 2006
Posted at: 6:02 AM
today pastor prayed for me! ok, it was scary, i really dunno how to describe, juz that i was really resistant and all, but joanne kinda persuaded me to go. i din dare to go. at first, i was trembling like mad but the weird thing was its not bcuz of the cold, cuz outside i feel perfectly ok, i also dunno wad was happening. i tried to stop it but it din go away like it always did. then joanne kind of came and pulled me in front. now i think abt it, i think it was God. i think God wanted me to go. why would i tremble so hard for no reason if its not bcuz of the cold? but aniwae i told joanne i dowan to go but she asked me whether i want to experience God and i was like aiya, wad the heck la, juz go lohx, so in the end i relented.
now im feeling sad. i came home and i really wanted to tell my parents i encountered God today! but then they would think i was possessed and would not want me go church, to make things worse, they shouted at me for coming home late so actually, i felt crushed. and my emotions went downhill. i wanted to tell somebody but i dunno who. haiz. nvrm la, oh no God, now You have made me greedy, now i want to do so many things. i shall follow wad sam told me and read bible for at least 10mins everyday, shall try and not be lazy.
