Posted on: Thursday, June 22, 2006
Posted at: 3:11 AM
Blehx.. I don’t know wat to write again, haha. The only thing that I have been seriously doing this hols is reading and indulging myself in tv. Hahas. Oh, aniwae, after reading a few classics this hols, I realised that most of the characters behave and speak so exaggeratedly..diao. although I love their era, but I cannot bring myself to like the way they treat each other and speak with each other. There are too much wat they will call, 'civilities' and it gets too formal and seriously too fake. I mean, juz get rid of all the civilities and come straight to the point! That is why I get so irritated while reading pride and prejudice.. I hate Mr Collins for being so irrating and self-righteous and keeps on apologising for nothing, I dislike the three youngest bennet sisters for their frivolity and stupidity, I even got so irritated with Elizabeth for her prejudice against Darcy and Jane for her all-rounded goodness. I think the only person that I ever liked is Mr Bennet, haha. Oh, and I realise most of the main guys in the classics will get into wat they will call a 'passion' at some point or another. Haha, especially Mr Rochester, its kind of fun and scary at the same time to see him so 'passionate' in his speech. Sometimes it gets violent too, but I get so excited when it gets violent, haha. Heathcliff is Dark and scary, seriously, but at the beginning, it was this darkness that drew me to him, just that I dun really like him after Catherine died. I love Edmond Dante of all in the count of monte cristo! Wat a nice name, dante.. he is full of vengeance when he realised that he was tricked and lost everything in one night, and it was not only this vengeance that attracted me to him but also his really powerful command of speech and the way he carried out his revenge. Of course, in the end, he decided to forgive and he has in more than one way showed that he is a true gentleman. He is quite melancholic too, im still trying to figure out the significance of he disguising himself as a priest. Ok, those who have not read the books will have absolutely no idea of wat im talking about, but it juz that I can't contain myself, all the characters have their own special and unique personality, haha. Classics are worth reading much more than all the trashy kind of novels nowadays, I love the olden days writers!
Posted on: Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Posted at: 1:59 AM
Hurhur.. I watched finish my Korean show liao.. now im very sad.. the ending was ok la, its a happy one, but I was not really satisfied.. everytime I see the guy cry I also feel like crying but everytime have to push the tears back in. did all the shuai guys all flock to Korea and Taiwan? Haiz.. I love the Korean songs, although I dun really understand wat its about, but whenever I listen, there is always this lingering sadness..
Im going to get an ipod or wadeva and then put all the Korean songs I like inside then can cry all I want. The only phrase that I ever caught and understood in these songs is sa-rang-hae-yo.. Haiz.. there is this sense of loss in me now, it seems as if the only thing that kept me together was the show and now, I dunno wat to do.. I think there is really something wrong with me, I have been so sensitive to tv shows and all and I could not fall aslp bcuz my mind will always picture some scene frm some show I watched earlier. I noe its not juz obsession, really, cuz I may be guy crazy but none of these have ever happen before. I think Im trying to find something in all these shows, something that can satisfy I dunno wat in me. I have been trying to explain wat im feeling to some pple cuz I really need help but when I start, they just kinda ignore or switch the convo or laugh at my obsession. Im trying hard to tell them it is not. Hmm, I think its because they think Im just facing some sort of obsession that will go away soon, cuz im always swooning over every guy I see on tv, but this time, its not, really, I dunno how to explain it, I noe its not. So in the end, I gave up trying to open up and say wat I feel, no point. I dunno how to explain aniwae. But I really need some sort of a direction, I noe talking to God might help, but I just cannot bring myself to tell him every single detail. Cuz im afraid after everything, I will still be left with a big question mark on my head.
Many pple think that I think too much, but well, I noe this may seem absurd and everything that im unable to fall aslp because of some show, but seriously, I sense that something is amiss, its not just purely teenage obsession!!! Maybe someone can just scold me to wake me up, I dun mind, after all, my behaviour is kind of abnormal. Hahas. All I noe is that I miss my Korean shows.. hahas.
Posted on: Monday, June 12, 2006
Posted at: 3:08 AM
Haha, I wrote a long essay on my feelings, on Sunday service yesterday, and I deleted it all away, nvrm, let me start all over again, with a happier tone. service was nice, I guess I understood a few things.. but I could barely hold out there, haha, cuz the day before I had a sleepless night. Ahh, I dunno wat to write, forget it, Im going to stop writing. Everything is a mess, so ya, I dunno exactly wat to write. Later affect pple how? Later pple not happy how? Later I not happy how? Yea, these are all the main factors.. oh man, wat am I writing? Forget it, just ignore everything, im kinda mad and crazy and insane and a wreck now.
Posted on: Thursday, June 01, 2006
Posted at: 7:12 AM
I'm upset. And its weird that im only upset after a few days have passed from that incident...guess its just my own slow reaction. I don't understand why I have to be constantly reminded to talk to the 'new friends' even though sometimes I really dun have anything to talk about... I mean, I noe its necessary to let them feel welcomed and involved and not get bored or ignored, but it just seems so fake that I have to talk for the sake of talking and for the sake of making everyone feel better. It's not that I dun want to talk or that I dun bother about them but I really prefer to let things take place naturally and not thrust myself in front of someone and well...TALK... I feel really awful as well u noe, can at least spare my feelings?What's wrong with some sort of a silence? I prefer silence till I can really find something I can genuinely talk about with interest and enthusiasm rather than try to choke up some sort of a conversation just to engage them and not make them feel bored... its not that they are stupid, they can sense the awkwardness... I noe im not much of a conversationalist, but I hold on to my principle of facing each and everyone with sincerity even though I might not have anything to talk about...so I hate it when pple keeps urging me to talk to the new friends, I have my own timing and prefer to do things in a more suitable and comfortable manner... I thought its kind of natural that we do things of course to sometimes serve pple but also, I prefer to do it at my own pace and really not force myself upon them...actually, in truth, I prefer to observe and know pple through their actions and the way they talk to others. im being truthful here, no offense meant, but it might also be too much thinking on my part...
Posted on:
Posted at: 7:10 AM
Finally I blogged...I've been neglecting my blog bcuz I got too many things to write, then dunno where to start from...new blogskin! Cool right? It's not really Victorian, but I like the style...
Well, I've been reading some books that becky lent me... and I must admit that God is wise.. the first time I got to know Christ was through Becky's books as well.. they were just romance stories, but they really changed my life forever... so now, in a moment of impulse, I borrowed a few of her other books and they are really beautiful books, I must say... well... with just only a little of God's characters and his gentle urgings infused into the books, the impact it brought was much more than 10 sermons. I noe pastor's sermons are powerful, yet the impact is momentary, it does not penetrate into my hear... yet, I find myself able to relate so well to books. I dunno why, the way I respond and react to things are really very different from that of others, yes, pple have been telling me that many times, some have classified me weird even...but Im just like that. I dunno how to explain exactly how the books becky lent are written and in what style, everything was put across very plainly and simply and its hard to explain exactly where and how they have impacted me...although the impacts are really small, they go to my heart and remain there, they dun bounce off it. I've found myself relating to books better than relating to someone else...its as if my entire inner world is only portrayed when I read and think...and strangely enough, the characters I've come across are pretty similar to my own...however, I dun like to write...haha, cuz Im too lazy and once I write, I have to make sure its almost perfect, so that takes a lot of time... stories are different from devotional books however, I find myself constantly lacking drive and enthusiasm to read devotional books, that's bad I know, yet Im just going to let things take its natural pace and take things slowly, come what may...
