the dryad sings...

2009-09-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

I totally cannot pay attention in school. To me, everything's just a mess. I dont know what they talking about and besides, some of the lectures are just BORING.

Uni seems to be very individualistic...or is it only me? I cant seem to make friends, and whomever i plop beside during lecture, i'll most prob not see the person again? And everyone zhaos very quickly after tutorial! Its getting a little hard to go to school everyday keeping that positive attitude and that smile on the face. I dont mind being alone but almost everyday at every lecture? It just gets to me. I miss church. Dont understand why is it so hard to go out and spend longer time in church without having to quarrel with my parents.

Oops, Im behaving like an angsty 15 yr old emo kid.

And my korean lecturer is talking away about things. He pronounces basic as 'beijic'. How cute! Tml im having 2 consecutive tutorials with nobody I know, except for a possible neighbour who most probs want to avoid me as much as poss. Hee. So looking forward to that man.

Imagine 09

2009-08-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

This is a poem that I want to dedicate to God through Imagine 09

His Hands

His Hands,

Stretched wide,

Pinned on the Cross.

An inviting embrace

To all who were lost.

Their Hands,

Building, shaping, moulding

Relentlessly.

Hearts set

To build a home

For the wandering lost,

Where hearts are revived and

Reconnected to

The one true and living God.

My Hands

Set free.

No longer bound

To meaningless things

They finger with the new found idea of

Significance,

Stretching out slowly

To imitate

His example of giving love.

Our Hands

Hold hearts.

Sowing, sacrificing then reaping.

Some we lost

But many were won

Each life a prophecy

Of a great future and hope.

Hands lifted high

To the One in heaven.

He reaches

To take these willing hands,

Teaching them to draw and play

In new rhythms and new ways.

Creating new visions,

Forging new unions,

Engaging new hands.

I received the inspiration to write a poem about hands during my quiet time, while worshipping God. Subsequently, the ideas that came just flowed and really, without God, I would not have been able to write anything as my ideas at first were all in a mess.

The first stanza speaks about Jesus, the second about pastors and they are a great influence in my life and I would never have the opportunity to grow so much in life without them. I could never do enough to appreciate them. The last two stanzas speak about what i feel we have been doing and are still going to do as a church. The poem is largely in continuous tense, which reflects routine, hard work, perseverance and the consistency in the things we are going to keep doing, evangelising and loving others, not losing the focus and the culture that made us Heart of God Church. From His love, to how pastors love us, and now to us loving others, the four stanzas are a reflection of how Christ's love for us will continue throughout the generations and how we will continue to give that love to the next generation.

However, no matter what or how much we can do, ultimately, it is His Hands that determine us, that puts the creativity in us, which explains the reason for the title.

I hope to glorify God through this. =)

2009-08-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

oh my gosh! I am doing something for Imagine! =p

2009-07-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

Help... I am trying to conjure up something from my brain. My brain is lagging like a babi... haixxx

2009-06-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

Back from B and C Zone Camp!

It has been such an exciting and refreshing wkend! Love the long break but I love the presence of God even more! Had such powerful services and really received from God so much more than before. Its amazing how God can really encourage someone who was feeling really discouraged, insecure and helpless by His Word.

Even though its the season of barreness, but like Hannah, the desperation should drive me to an even greater hunger for God.

Spent yesterday night, or rather morning, writing down my revelation and it was like 2 pages long. But it was worth it. Now im just going to attack life with greater faith and a greater love. It shall not stop there. A major breakthrough is coming. I can sense it.

2009-05-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

Right now, I am just getting excited over who's gonna be the American Idol.

Not like it'll change my life, but then, this season's just so different! Full of talents, God-seeking talents.

I hope Kris wins.

I saw RED RAIN today!

2009-05-19T07:32:00.001-07:00

I am sick. And the medicine's having a weird effect on me. Its making my heart beat very fast.

But oh well, at least I have a husky voice and I am loving my two days off. Haha.

I hope tml I'll be able to have more energy to tackle the little todds.

2009-05-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I think I am slowly getting used to my job. At least, I feel that I can handle it better even though its still exhausting and I always cant wait to go home. Just a little sad cuz I know some of the children are still not really comfortable with me yet, then you know children will always just be so honest...I had one guy told me today that he doesn't like teacher belinda. Straight in my face and I was like trying to act cool all. But its still so heartwarming when some children actually bothered to greet you hello and goodbye. Heh. I have this girl who will always call my name so excitedly everytime she sees me even though Im not teaching her. And that is a little thing that can really brighten up the day. And two days ago, two girls randomly ran up to me and hugged my knees and told me they love teacher belinda. Haha I was like, er random but then there's this warm fuzzy feeling.

This just shows how much a person needs love, whether young or old. Of course I am trying not to be biased towards those children who'd listen to me more. And, I think after a few more wks, I'd be an expert at changing diapers. LOL...

Yesterday we just had cg and its really cool to be able to step into the world of teenager rather than teacher again and just be myself and hang out with my friends. Instead of performing a role, I am just being ting wei, which is really relieving.

So I am just going to relax now and do the things I want to do. Even if its for just one night, its still precious to me.

2009-05-04T08:00:00.001-07:00

Today was the first day of work...my new job as a childcare teacher. Haha.

And its DROP DEAD TIRING. Im supposed to help handle the younger kids, from 18mths to 2 yrs old and I seriously wonder where do they get the energy judging from their little bodies. Plus, they get distracted very easily and I really have to react super fast to keep them entertained ALL THE TIME. Super shack when I reached home. I wonder how am I supposed to go through all these for two months. One day is enough for me to decide that I am so not going into that field. Oh well, but I feel the need to keep going on in this job no matter how tiring it is. I think God is trying to instill and mould something in me. The love for others and the tenacity to keep on doing something that I have decided to do in the first place.

I really pray tml will be a better day. Trying to look forward to the resounding calls of 'Teacher Belinda!' tml.

2009-04-28T08:07:00.001-07:00

I RECEIVED THE ACCEPTANCE FROM NUS TODAY! I had this feeling in the afternoon that I might just receive some news from NUS today and I did! Thank God! From what I read on the news, only 10000 plus places are available out of the 60000 applicants and really, my grades are not phenomenal. So I believe, its really God. Of course, I am waiting for some news from NTU as well, but if I dont get in, that will make my decision a little bit easier. Haha.

Recently, I just feel that I have quite a few impt decisions to make. Not only uni and what course to take but also my job. A childcare has decided to accept me and now I am just still considering. Timings are 8-6 daily (thats really my main concern) and the pay is well, not very much. So I am still thinking whether I should really take up the job for like 2 months. I want to make a difference, have some purpose in whatever I am doing, yet I dont really want to compromise on church. Im thinking of my ministry, zone sec responsibilities etc etc. Yet, I kind of feel right about this. I dont want to do something where God is not involved in. So Im in a dilemma. When the email came in, I think they kind of assume I'd take it immediately but well....

I'll make a decison by tml.

I have hot sparkling pink fingernail polish on my fingers!!!

2009-04-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be my last day at work in Hill and Knowlton. Oh well, even though everytime I feel sian and no purpose at work, but I believe I am still gonna miss it. Especially the people, Julie, Amanda, my aunt etc. They have taken care of me and talked to me when I was so bored out at the recep table. Esp Amanda! I think she's such a unique person with her own mind. She reminds me of me, as in we both can clique and really share the same thoughts about things sometimes. So yep, I am gonna miss her unless I go NTU and take mass comm.

This week there's a reception for mass comm at NTU. I am so trying to find someone to go with me! I am really reluctant to go to such an ulu place ALONE while there are other groups of potential students going as well.
Heh.

I believe that after I finish with this job tomorrow, God is going to move again. Pretty excited to wonder what's next for me. Haha.

Tml Im going on a shopping spree! racing against time to find something for my colleagues and then going to get that dress cum blouse from bugis street that i saw. Hopefully its still there and there's a discount.

I am reminded of what my twin once said about me. 'Ting Wei has fashion sense but she just wants everything to come in 10 dollars. And that, is highly not possible.' LOL

2009-04-10T22:01:00.000-07:00

I am going to be jobless in a week's time. And this is a bad thing. I have not told my parents yet for fear of the inccessant nagging to get another job when times are so bad. Besides, my mum and I are having a semi-cold war now.

Sometimes I feel like what Im doing is not enough. I just cant seem to find that breakthrough somehow. Its just stretching without a breakthrough, if you get what I mean. Yet, I made that pre-decision to praise God and worship Him no matter what happens. When things dont go my way, do I back down and start to blame Him? No. I want to praise Him just like how Paul did. And then I believe that God will work His miracles. In these bad times when everyone is losing, I expect to reap. In these bad times when everyone is losing hope, I grip faith.

And I wont let go until He blesses me. =)

2009-04-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

Today is April Fool aka Love surprising Day!

It was such an awesome thing to love people surprisingly instead of merely fooling around and causing heart attacks to others. haha.
Though it was really taxing to plan everything, with some problems on the way, but it was all worth it looking at every face light up with surprise.

So hannah and i went to visit Johnathan at his house to give him his card, then we walked to Albert's house to wait for him to give him his card and green apple yakult (i think its a really cute idea. Guess who thought of that?) lol and the best thing was, he had no idea despite Hannah's constant calls to ask him where he is. Ahh...such an innocent boy. lol. Then had dinner at bishan and went with the rest of the cg to surprise Angie at her workplace! Lol. We got a shock because we were trying to be discreet and yet she just had to see us. Lol. Then we each grabbed an item, queued up at her counter, paid for the items and pretended to leave. But we went back and gave her all that we bought. (Her colleagues were like quite buay song but dont care them la) She din say much, but at least, we made a difference in someone's day. Heh. This is HOGC...Loving people in the most unexpected, creative manner. And boy, am I glad to be part of this team that will last for eternity! Maybe in heaven, we can establish a HOGC! LOL. Guess which church God will frequent the most then? haha.

Love God, Love people, Love Life!

2009-03-23T08:05:00.001-07:00

Tonight I've fallen
And I can't get up
I need your loving hands
To come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you
Holding you
Holding you
Tonight.

Its such an emo song but I like it! heh, it reminds me of the person who first intro me to that song and the other person who refreshed my memory.

2009-03-20T06:57:00.001-07:00

I am still unable to let go of the fact that my wallet got stolen. Such an annoying thing to happen! I think if I am not a christian, I will bear even more grudges. Haha. I need to learn to forgive and let go and quit thinking about the fact that whoever stole it is spending my hard earned money, depriving me of student meals and depriving me of discounts from Singpost! I hope that when she sees the HOGC privilege card, she will come to HOGC, repent and be saved. I genuinely hope for that. That's the only good thing that can come out of it. Oh well, I must be careful next time. As much as I hope to trust people, there are really despo people around who will kidnap my not so pretty and tattered wallet. Haiya.

And i really really hate last minute things. It takes me some time to adjust to things and its hard to have to change my mentality and prepare for something last minute. Haiya. This is one thing I gotta improve on.

Just had B ZONE CHALET! It was really awesome man! Although i barely slept and is still hanging on before I KO sometime soon. But the food was great, the people are so fun to be with, and the worship was superb! Even in the midst of fun, there must be God. And I enjoyed the cycling along pasir ris park at like 12 plus am. haha. its a rare thing to do for me. So, it was a good week (except for the fact that my wallet has met with such misfortune).

Tml is Pst Sy Rogers! Going to be really awesome! Can't wait to hear about issues of sexual brokeness!

2009-03-02T06:42:00.001-08:00

I went to watch Slumdog Millionaire todayyy!!!! Yea, the Oscar winning one. I think its the media la. haha. Without the Oscars and the newspapers, I wont even know that there's such a show. Heh.

The movie was not bad, the casts were good..(can I mention that Dev is really good-looking!), the plot was quite simple, but its weird since like the who wants to be a millionaire show like kind of not so popular anymore. I think if this movie was made during that time when the variety show was a craze, the effect would be so much better? But its cool that thru such a simple plot, they can reveal so much about India and its culture. I am just very into culture. Whenever there's a chance to know more about culture (esp thru shows and movies), I'm in for it man! haha. I always imagine myself in some faraway place learning and understanding the cultures of that place. Its really amazing. Of course, cultures are different from my convictions. =)

The movie that I really really wanna watch now is 'The curious case of Benjamin Button'. I would really like to applaud the media for actually arousing my curiosity and desires in watching this movie (no pun intended). Haha. Or is it just my very easily swayed nature with respect to entertainment? Heh

-Heard that the results are coming out this fri- Im still smiling. =)

2009-03-01T07:54:00.000-08:00

I am trying to kind of change my blogskin but as usual, Im just a html idiot. heh.

These few days really changed my life. I am starting to think more and am pondering about what is the thing that really gives me purpose, where is my heart at in the kingdom of God, in this world? Affluence to Influence. I am convicted of that. Riches are tools to reach out, to love, to boost the lives of others. But no matter what pple may say (naysayers) haha, no matter what my parents try to push into my head about the importance of money, I do not ever want to find myself one day living for money instead of using money for a living. True, money's important and I do want to be rich but I do not want to hoard all of it for myself but to give to others.

When I saw videos of how the children, orphans in villages stricken with poverty do have dreams, I am impacted and so touched. Because they are just like anyone of us, filled with dreams and visions and desires for the future, just that their poor cirumstances are obstacles to their acheiving their potential. I want to remove some of these obstacles, to relieve oppression, to extend just a little love. To give what I can give. That, to me, is a life of purpose, a life of significance. (Not any routine, mundane recep job or even meeting targets in careers) There may be satisfaction in my acheivements, but it'll be definitely different from helping others acheive their dreams. God spoke to me before about this, and I kind of know where my passion, where my heart is.

I am gonna use these few months before I go to uni(by faith i proclaim that NUS is mine!) to create days of significance and to create significance in others.

Christianity is radical but its always the radical that do acheive anything substantial in the world. =)

2009-01-29T06:54:00.001-08:00

I feel that I've changed...

These few days of work has really turned myself into a boring, lifeless mess. Ting wei is not like that. I feel more Ting Wei than Belinda which is why I feel awkward when my colleagues call me Belinda. Names do matter and can affect a person's identity. I am Ting Wei and Belinda but somehow, Belinda is not me. Get what I mean?

Now I think Im starting to get why adults are so cynical and irritating. Heh.

I've got a lot of things to think about. I shall do that tml to prevent myself from zoning out at the phone which happens constantly.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

2009-01-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

Its the second week of work...getting quite mundane except for the jitters i still get whenever im behind the recep counter..

Recently the question i keep asking my dad is 'Dont you get bored or tired out with your work? I mean like 9 hours of work everyday doing almost the same thing and only like 4 or 5 hours at home and then after sleep, its back to work again...' but he will give me the standard ans that most adults would say... 'Now retrenchment ah! Cannot be picky about the job alr!'

Yes ok, I know. Sometimes, circumstances really stifle growth, stifle dreams, stifle everything. Pardon my over usage of my favourite word. But then, doesnt it also depends on how you see and do things? Even in the midst of worldwide recession, God can still provide. Come on, you want resources, who else do you go to apart from the Provider? He is not just an emotional crutch that most ppl think He is. Pastor always tell us that it is during this recession that we can truly glorify God. And i thank God for giving me a job. heh.

Young people are more naturally inclined to be idealistic. I think a lot of adults would say that. If so, I'd rather be young. No matter whether my dreams or visions may come true, at least I still have dreams and visions. It gives hope, not just wishful thinking. True, they can be castles in the air, but every architect must first build a castle in his mind before it becomes real and concrete on land. So yep, Im holding on to my castle. Hahah.

2009-01-12T06:39:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day of work!

Before I went to work I was like praying and worshipping God because nothing beats Jesus by your side. And thank God i survived through the first day.

True, I fretted about what to wear (because they are like strict on attire, no jeans!), alighted at the wrong bus stop, forgot to tap my card (actually it was because I had too many things on my hands I couldnt take out my bus card), made a few mistakes during filing, was lost at answering some phone calls asking for accountants without giving me specific names... but yep, I survived and will continue to survive.

While anticipating the calls that might come in, my hands and feet were cold because a lot of 'what ifs' ran through my mind and honestly, I was afraid. Very. That 1 hour to me seemed like forever (though cliche it may seem). Everytime the phone rings, I need 3 seconds to breathe first.

But today I went home, I thanked God for letting me survive through today without making serious mistakes. I am really in this stage whereby Im really God-dependent. Without God, I think I will faint due to fear or something. And then I worshipped God again and this time, I asked the Holy Spirit to be with me throughout tml and the subsequent days. So tml, if I ans any calls, I will tell the Holy Spirit to ans with me. It may seem easy but for me who has zero job experience, its a step of faith. Plus my aunt works there, so double stress. Yep, Holy Spirit I need you. Thanks for the peace and faith You've put in my heart and the warm fuzzy feeling that encompassed me just now. You are awesome and I have to be dependent on You.

-Tomorrow will be a great day because the Holy Spirit is with me- I proclaim it!

2009-01-06T05:59:00.000-08:00

I watched twilight today...

So now Im having my usual movie hangover...

Its okay only I guess...

Australia's better...

But for teenage romance, guess its sufficient.

Just dont have the love until want to die that feel when its supposed to be like that.

Haha

Please give me a job.

2009-01-03T21:43:00.000-08:00

Everytime I read the papers, I get impacted. And its not really in a good way. Israel against the Palestinians, foreign workers being ill treated, recession, conflict btw north and south korea etc etc. Such huge events are happening around the world and I feel so small. Comparably insignificant. Haha. Emotions just get evoked in me and I feel something. Is there any way I can help? I have a vision to help free the oppressed in the world but how much can I do? And then I get sucked into my own little problems of unemployment, PO and well, stress. Many have been telling me how slack and relaxed I can be after the As but it doesnt seem to be so. Instead, PO has become more intense, my sense of helplessness against people who do not want to employ me is increasing. I am afraid to look at my parents because there is this sense of disappointment and exasperation in their eyes. They cant understand why am I doing all these.

Yesterday Pastor talked about ETHOS, a tribal fire, a tribal emotion. And I am impacted by such unity. HOGC should not be taken for granted. In HOGC, there are archives of lifestories.So precious to pastors that they'd give up all they may have in order to give us all that God desires. I had flashbacks of the past, and I thank God for giving me all of these. Without You, I am nothing. Faith just rose up in me and I'll continue believing. No matter how tough it is and it may be, I'll still believe.

The ETHOS of the church: We use the church to build people and not people to build the church.

-There can be miracles, when you belive-

And HOGC is one to me.

2008-12-29T20:52:00.001-08:00

I went to watch Australia yesterday! Yep, it was really good in my opinion... I like long movies but not draggy movies. Anw... I love movies that are set in the past. Especially those that brings us closer to the past through a story. ( i mean like duh which movie wont tell a story but i just cant put it in words how im feeling now) I still remember when Mrs Tan asked me and serena, 'dont you know who are the aborigines?' I was like huh? whats that? but now i think there's a deeper understanding and I am gonna read up on it. Even the name sounds special...the 'stolen generation' sounds mysterious. I think war and romance go well together.

But i was really touched by Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman...i think they look really good together but its quite rare to see hugh jackman acting as a macho, funny yet sentimental person. After all, I used to only know him as wolverine. haha. But the little boy was so cute too! And hannah keeps harping on how Nicole Kidman looks so perfect while me and rachel kept reminding her about hugh jackman. well, typical. I should stop having movie hangovers. My mind will keep thinking and replaying the scenes. The last time i watched butterfly lovers, i was obssessed with butterflies. lol.

I guess I really prefer movies which do something to your heart, bringing you closer to experiences you'd never had before. I mean, chick flicks are good too, at appropriate times.

I think Hugh Jackman deserved his title of being the sexiest man alive... :)

2008-12-17T22:23:00.000-08:00

i should stop saying bimbo quotes... the one mistake that im so gonna remember is when i was studying for John 3:16 at 1am or 2 am in the morning and I actually said you are going to have eternal life in hell...omg...

but AMT was great! The two days of training was well..intensive yet very spiritual. I really thought the prayer meeting at 4.30 am was crazy...esp since I only went to bed at like 2 plus... haha but its good...test our tenacity. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Had to open my eyes to pray and worship so as not to fall asleep. Can i confess that i fell asleep in the middle of worshipping during my quiet time?
But what pastor and the leaders preached about was super awesome, super spiritual. I think my spiritual senses went up to a whole new level and I feel more connected to God nowadays..which is a very very very good thing! The Holy Spirit has also been telling me some stuff about myself and well, its simply great to hear from Him. First hand revelation!!! And Im super grateful that im able to go because mine was really like a last min entry...

Christmas is coming! Yay! shall not think about my current state of unemployment but well...its THE season!

2008-12-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

Its really a fruitful week...

Besides going out with friends and discovering my vision, I have also learnt what to say and what not to say in an interview that I know confirm wont select me for the job... haha. Always learn and observe, even in such situations. Well, just have to look for other jobs where I can 'use my talents and abilities'.

This is the first time I cried so much for a TV show by Mediacorp... I had to go to the toilet just so my parents wont see it and start jacking me...Its just very heartwrenching to see families torn apart because of external events such as war etc. And I guess true love (in TV) usually cant run its full course, which kind of makes it even more heartbreaking... But guess what, I actually learnt a lot from watching TV and it was part of where my vision arose. Really. God can use anything to relate to us. yep. I really have to applaud jeannette aw..think she really really improved! I dont really like her in most of her shows la frankly speaking, but this show was to me i think a real change, a realy good change. Change from the typical sassy rebellious girl to a deaf and mute who despite being unable to speak, evokes so much emotions in one's heart. Really. I was so touched by her acting. Its really awesome! I have a feeling I will like her part as the mother rather than the daughter even though her acting as the daughter is the main crux of the show. Anyhow, Im really impressed by Mediacorp...greater shows are coming out that actually tell something. Go on and impress us viewers.

Im not obssessed with the TV la... im just really impacted...
God's creation on earth must be redeemed.
The world is looking for love and most can only fill that void by watching such shows on TV and wishing that it can happen to them.. but no! I was once like that but I learnt that Jesus is love and once that LOVE comes in, that hole will be filled.

2008-12-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

I HAVE A VISION...

Actually, its amazing what the media can do.

Went out with fe and joy yesterday! it was really great to just hang out with friends of the same age and it just feels like last time...not saying the present isnt good... haha. Its awesome really! Watched Wild Child and gosh, it was a funny typical chick flick but scary...not because of the movie but because of what we did which is too exhaustive to describe everything here.. anyhow, my mum din scold me for reaching home a bit late!!! yay~

went to facebook to hunt for some prom pics...at least if i cant be there, i want to get a gist of the atmosphere. haha, i guess even if i was there, it wont be really fun to me la..cuz my closest friends will not be there... plus 90 dollars for the place and lots more for the dress, hair etc..not really worth it...so yeps not much regrets! just a bit sad that i wasnt able to attend prom in sec and jc yrs...after all its like a once in a lifetime thing.. but its ok, i have a VISION! muahaha

2008-11-25T06:31:00.001-08:00

Just came back from a class chalet at sentosa...super tired now...everything seems too glaring for my eyes... haha i think i am someone that has adjusted to a strictly regular lifestyle... my body feels weird when i try to tweak the timings abit. hah this weeks gonna be great!

2008-11-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

EEYEEEAAAHHHHH! ITS OVER! TGIO! (THANK GOD ITS OVER)! LOL

Its really been great! I have been learning and gaining so much these few weeks despite my exams. Must really thank Ivan for teaching me and guiding me. haha. Also had a few moments to really just talk to God and discover more about myself... sometimes it really becomes ministry-oriented rather than God-oriented. And I must talk more to Jesus! The emphasis on the Holy Spirit and God has almost made me forgot about the very importance of Jesus. And God reminded me during a particular quiet time whereby I really cried out to God and felt so much unrest in the middle of my As that Christ is my peace..

I think many outings are coming up and really, its going to be fun but I am really worried about the cost.. guess if it gets really costly, well, i will have to think of something... and my parents nagging me to get a job..haiya give me a break...

=)

2008-11-12T07:12:00.000-08:00

EEYER...ignore the previous emo post... haha

I always say I am not emo, but then 'Ting Wei you are such a liar you' haha...

YAY! Two more papers to FREEDOM! FREEDOM! FREEDOM! I never ever want to go back to that months and weeks and days and hours of confinement and entrapment and depression and and and a lot of things la.. oh well, there's still the lit paper! the greatest confinement! and ironically, im supposed to talk about confinement and expectations in my identity paper... the world is satirical... lol. No la, actually i quite enjoy lit...just take away the essay part!

aiight...i sure hope God will move and pull me thru... I already like make dont know how many mistakes and dont know how to do like how many questions and oh well, after that evaluation, its a bit discouraging but then I will pull up faith, I will continue to tap on God's grace and Im gonna believe that these two years have not gone to naught.

-For Your strength is made perfect in my weaknesses-

2008-10-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

Its kind of emotionally devastating to have to make choices sometimes...knowing that everything depends on you, your choice and yet there is that dilemma of right and want.

Is there some form of compromise or is life all about absolutes?
'The use of questions highlights the sense of uncertainty in the poet'. Now I know how Boey feels... I may identify with his feelings but not his logic.

The upheaval of emotions welling up, brimming right to the top of the throat. Is there some way to push down all these emotions, grit your teeth and just do what is right even though you may not be happy? Is there some way to ignore emotions and view things objectively?
'The use of questions repeatedly highlights the sense of desperation and increasing tension in the poet' That refusal to conform, yet that need to. Or maybe its not even conformity, its just really something good disguised.

haiya... that's the consequences of too much lit and nostalgic poets and authors who are much too critical about life.

I shall grit my teeth and do it.

2008-10-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

Photos of beloved 07S16! Mostly from farewell assembly...
PW Days...

The Original 07S16 !
The Lit Clique!
Ah haha... Mr Chua and the econs fans
Nuances... I love Mrs Tan!
Miss K!!! And her 'infinite variety'
Oh my gosh! My Fav teacher shot! (haiya...ppl...you get what i'm saying not?) Tribute to Ger!
Miss Ong! Ravishing...
Yay! Dr Chua!Tween-ship foreva yo!
TB!

Me and Gordon!

Ha Nicolette...nope, we din exchange cliques

Mrt

Er...mistaken identity

Er...gross?

Ha, I love all of you! Its not farewell...yet~

2008-10-12T02:51:00.000-07:00

This is very late... but farewell 07S16! or maybe...not so soon, we still have to see each other for like a month and I believe strongly that some of our friendships will not just end like that..

Haha, its pretty nostalgic considering all the friends and laughter we have shared together for these 2 years. Not to mention irritation, emo-ing, and a certain conflict... oh well. At least all these kind of spice up mundane school life, i hope. =p

Im waiting for all the pictures to be like available, esp one particular photo that kind of changed the whole mood of the day. Then I will start posting, in detail. K sounds like lit. Now everything rings a bell. A bell informing that the big As are around the corner. Or rather, to be more positive, that a few months of hols and freedom awaits!

Now my throat is kind of dry... must be constant breathing in through the mouth instead of the nose due to some congestion. (ok la, blocked nose la k... just trying to sound cheem) cannot make it...

Im babbling... and i realised that the word babbling comes from the bible when God confused the language of the people who wanted to build the tower of Babel in the hope that they can reach heaven. If heaven can be reached just like that, God wont have to send His precious Son. So anyway, yep the people of Babel babbled... interesting huh?

Ok, better not slack too much, will go back to studying..soon!

2008-09-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

This is long overdue but I had a blasted birthday!(duh it was a good blast) lol.

Everyone was so sweet and my heart just melted... my b'day was spent serving God in usher for most of the day and I think its really awesome to be able to do that! Its my honour, really. I'm a bit nolstagic at the thought of that being my last usher duty and the small but extremely sweet surprise they gave me certainly made it harder... its just the team spirit that really holds everyone in usher ministry and i really like that. Esp since every usher duty consists of like 20 ppl and this is so different from the rest of the other ministries. I learnt a lot...I stepped out...its really hard at first to take that bold step and fears were always lingering at the back of my mind.. but im glad I sustained..

And my cg was real sweet toO! what with two cakes all in the middle of the fully packed food court... everything was so sweet and i have to keep checking my smile on my bus ride home. its just the family, the kinship that ties us together.. and i think the awesomest was, ironically, God revealing to me some of my flaws and just really talking to sam about it and about things. I love my leader, I love my God, I love my friends.

And of course, not to mention those who sent me such sweet smses! Im bombarded by sweetness. haha, and yea, i've joined the old club... lol...

-3 more days to Nelson's booking out!- I miss Ivan-

2008-09-16T07:14:00.001-07:00

Like Antony, torn apart... yet trying to reunite...maybe its not about reuniting, maybe its about encompassing...
Like Antony, Im still trying to straddle between the two... actually think one should encompass the other..that should be the way, the solution.

Unlike Antony, Im not going to let it be resolved through death.
Unlike Antony, Im so not going to be elevated through death.
Unlike Antony, I do not have a lover filled with 'infinite variety'

Haha, like I always shamelessly say, I am the one filled with 'infinite variety'... lol...

My SGC is shamelessly filled with praises of me, my capabilities and my character that are er... half-truths? I wonder how my bosses are going to take in all that sugar if I present this to them.

haiya...my eyes hurt la... LOL

2008-09-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

Its been five days for nelson and two days for Ivan and i seem to miss them even more... I hope and pray they are ok... something is missing... like you wont feel it when they are there, now that they are gone, its weird even though i dont usually see them everyday... its like, part of the family is missing and you can sense it...

regardless, its the time to be strong. Stronger, in fact.

Will upload some pics that are long overdue soon! ^.^

2008-09-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

One more day... before the long awaited swensen's ice-cream!
One more day...before the end of prelims!

Two more days...before nelson goes off to the army. =( [you'd better come back!]
Two more days...before B4 CEG!

Three more days...before church service! (with the South African Ambassador, Her Excellency Zanele Makina. how cool is that? I wonder whether she's royalty. Most probably its just a form of address.)

Four more days...before more church! (Pastor is going to preach! about marriage and rls..double cool!)

Five more days...before school officially begins..again.

Six more days...before... I dont know, more school?

And God rested on the seventh day...

=)

2008-08-28T07:43:00.001-07:00

I had an outing with my mum today... bought a dress for my uncles's wedding dinner in nov... lol

brain is a little bit blocked. there seems to be too many things to study that i dont know where to start. anyhow, i just hope to get most of the stuff neatly compartmentalised and my brain gears should start to move faster.

I will be going service for sat and sun! :) I pray that tml's outing will be fine, relationships will be built and established even more strongly. and it will be another step to get one saved and planted!

2008-08-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

The weather is a little...hmm...mad...

But I love it!

Seriously, the switch is like my snapping back to reality... I feel that my physical body belongs here, here, in the city and i dont detest it, but somehow, I just feel that my heart wants to go somewhere, somewhere filled with overgrown plains and mountains and wildflowers. Yet I know i will most prob never be able to survive in such places void of technology. Im fascinated, really, by the creations of God.

I am here, yet not here. I am there, yet not there. (gosh i sound like Boey with all his weird musings and angst about identity) that's what lit does to you i guess. Im not emo, just musing. And i realise my mind likes to wander off, it crosses eras to pre-modern England and then it starts imagining about magical things like beautiful vampires and werewolves. Its weird but the mind is all so powerful and all so destructive. And then it starts musing about the reality and meaning of love. I think books actually play a part in imprinting images in your mind too.

Right, I shall return to my reality of maths prelim paper tml.

2008-08-18T03:04:00.000-07:00

Today is such an important day because its the first ever time k actually took note of my presence! oh my gosh such an acheivement! lol... for once, she actually called my name... got a huge shock cuz I was like 'oh no she wont call me cuz she dont know my name' and feeling all so secure and proud of myself and no, she just had to call my name. oh man...first time in a whole year apart from the first lesson. aiight, need to mark out this day or something. haha.

i decided to take a break so here I am. Just had quiet time just now and it was so awesome.God's presence was so strong, not really in the loving encouraging kind of way but more of a powerful holy spirit kind of way that my hands almost trembled. Everytime i stand right in front of the centre of the stage waiting for pastors or my leaders to pray for me i will always tremble because of the strong presence of God. But i was just asking Him for the greater purpose of the holy spirit. I told Him it can't be just for the speaking of tongues. It must be something greater. And then He told me that one of the purposes is for CONNECTION. AMAZINGLY TRUE. So applicable to b4. Then bam! His presence just came. How can anyone doubt the presence of God or the love of God? How is it possible that we wont doubt the efficiency of the lift to bring us down or up even before we step in and yet we doubt the reality of God?

'Believe and you shall see'

Truly, I have seen.

2008-08-15T09:04:00.001-07:00

I think today was a looong day... tried very very hard to stay awake and not stone at the teacher. My resolution kind of crumbled during chem. But it was an academically fulfilling day! with respect to lit that is. Had consultations with tan and k and really, it was not bad. Learnt a lot and it forces me to study and conquer my fear of k. lol. I think k's lesson kind of rejuvenated my mind. haha.

I cant wait! Tml im going to school and then to church! i think some friends are coming! Joy is coming! literally and figuratively. lol... its going to be awesome!

2008-08-14T01:49:00.000-07:00

AIIIGGHHTT!!!! A quick update on my life...realised that I have not been blogging for a very long time...

Basically, its just study study study. Trying my best not to be jaded by school. For some reason, I really feel like just throwing my books away and watching tv the whole day or just slack. Slack is a bad word. As bro Christian will say, we should be resting instead of slacking. haha.

I think the lit teachers ah... really should get a proper life. I really respect and grateful to them for sacrificing their time to stay late to give us lectures but i think if they can just reduce their mcs and come for proper lessons, wont it be better? Almost every single day we have lit lectures from 5.30 to 6.30. Latest update, we have lit lect tml from 6-7. At this rate, im really going mad. As k puts it aptly, we have too many lectures such that we dont have time for consultations!!! Maybe that's why the first few science classes always do better than us.. because they have a terrific timetable and they have time to study!!! ok, maybe im just complaining and expressing how wretched i feel about this. lol

Anyways, going to have cg later! yay, its going to be awesome, hope my parents dont find out though... and my bro is growing! he really likes church now! lol

Now, its either I break it or make it. Cliche as it may sound but I know this is a period I need to overcome. I just pray for clarity of vision and focus in my spiritual life as well as in my academic life. Its going to happen and Im going to soar like never before.

Forgive my random rantings..

2008-07-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I reaally wish they can talk instead of shout... what's the point? it only results in more unresolved anger... no, im not emo, not yet...

Today's usher duty was not so bad...at least not as bad as last week's.. actually I thought that the service was really not very good la, like all the ops side suddenly crash... got a little bit worried... but really, I think usher wasn't really smooth... i had to constantly step out of my fears and even then, I was attempting to usher people into their destiny and a part of me was really panicking. I really really hope it will be better for FOP... indoor stadium, thousands of people, loads of pastors and leaders... I had better increase in my competency and capacity.

Recently, im suffering from sleeping disorder that's totally different from what most ppl would experience. Instead of losing sleep, i keep wanting to sleep no matter where I am or how long I've slept the night before. Really. Every ounce of energy seems to be used up much too quickly. I think its just the routine of school, eat, study, sleep; school, eat, study, sleep. I wonder how long I can last this. This is really testing and building my tenacity. I want to be an overcomer. An undefeated conquerer.

-I shall try to like group discussions, but its hard, especially when its in the night and everyone is bleary-eyed.-

2008-07-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

haha... i am typing away here while my group mates are trying to figure out something to say for Lit grp discussion... i have decided to withdraw from the convo a little while cuz im a little lost and shall not try to cause further irritation.. well, its miss k's work so no choice, have to produce something of a good standard......which explains our enthusiasm in completing this arduous task.

my fav phrase from pride and prejudice 'My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you.' (as said by Darcy, oh well, he's really hot) can you imagine if this was used in modern times like this? it will really be a nice change... Lit really gets on my nerves sometimes, but without lit, i dont think i will ever be able to appreciate a novel in such great detail. i hate essays but i love lit, though how ironic it may sound.

Its really weird but in a relatively good way how so many jokes have arisen out of nowhere and recently, im like laughing over every single thing. All right, i really love the olive branch comment as expressed by the all time detested Mr Collins and further modified by the all time fav tween! ah well, inside joke all, i dont think the effect will be there if i repeat the joke to other people, so tween, i appreciate you with all the expressions, tone and yu qi all! lol.

alright, school aside.. i just feel that its another time of preparation again...im going to mould my character and build it again. this week im gonna have my first ever usher duty... feeling a little jittery and a little uncomfortable in my black shirt but well, i shall go forth and conquer with faith! last service, i have this vision of me becoming a small little child and just resting on God's back. Its like Jesus is just carrying me on His back, giving me a piggyback. haha. Its so sweet right... I was so touched when i saw that. And then i realised that I actually feel insecure a little over little things sometimes. Although it really helps when i immediately go to God and hand it all over to Him, I can't help but feel this feeling of like when am i ever going to grow even further and really break through? oh well, i believe its going to happen and God further assured me through pastor's preaching that hey i dont have to compete with others because actually, there's no need to. After all, my future is secure.

-He is here to give me a future and a hope-

aiight, back to lit!

2008-06-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

Its been ages since I've blogged. The holidays are gone, but it left something in my heart, in my life and that is growth... maybe not so much on the outside but definitely on the inside. I can feel things growing larger, bigger. Bigger problems? Definitely, but I believe a bigger faith to overcome as well.

And now the block test is OVER!!! Two days of break, now how cool is that? Good luck to those who are still taking their exams! Endure with faith! Its a little lonely to be the only one in the connect group taking my A levels this year. I rmb the last time i took O levels, so many of us were taking it... But well, its ok, I still have my fellow HOGC SAINTS! Though nothing really is happening, but I see us ROCKING the whole school... Believe it, envision it, and it shall come to pass.

Yesterday Narnia was on Channel 5. It brought back to me so clearly the immense love of Jesus through Aslan. I asked for responses, and they told me they were touched by Aslan's love and were so sad that He had to sacrifice and die. Yet, I can't help wondering why would people embrace Aslan so and yet be so apprehensive or even reject Jesus when really, its the same thing, even greater. I think this is called being culturally relevant. I love it. I love the way Christ's love is replicated in Aslan and how people can be so touched by it but I can't help feeling a little sad for my God. But hey, why would people not like Jesus? He is good, He is love. He does not only loves but He IS Love. I must speak about my brother, he is truly truly great! Its a long story but its really really heartening to see him growing so much!

Random: i realised swensens has a student's meal that costs 9.80 for any choice of two sundaes! Awesome! Had my fill today, decided to treat myself to something good after the exams. Haha.

-He knows my name-

2008-06-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

I have a revelation today...

DISCIPLESHIP DOES NOT EQUATE TO DICTATORSHIP
TRUE DISCIPLESHIP COMES WITH A CHOICE.

2008-05-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

NO! I shall not abandon my poor lil blog! Finding it hard to keep updating it but i shall try!

RedRain was simply AWESOME!!! Im so glad my cousins and bro enjoyed it manx! And really, it was IMPRESSIVE! But more than that, its a concert with a purpose. That's the one thing that really top it all off...

Alright, June's going to be busy! I realised I can't bear slacking! Not without doing some work for most of the time in the day. I get so restlessly tired (notice the oxymoron) just by sitting in front of the tv..i need to get my hands on something productive, something with a purpose. Right, so i shall study and more than that I will build myself. After all, they say identity is dynamic so my character shall be moulded a little bit here, a little bit there. I think Rachel L will most probably stare at me with that 'oh no what's wrong with you' expression again because what im saying is a little off. But its ok, i get what i mean and that's cool enough. Haha. Talk about being self-centred...

Alright, this has to be put on hold! I feel like im having a two-way conversation...with myself... it must be the hols, its doing it to me, turning me cranky (i almost typed cracky) and hyper all at the same time. Holidays officially starts TOMORROW! The past three days have been just like normal school days without the assembly so I can't wait for my Hols to finally kickstart! Its gonna be awesome and Im gonna have faith that I will at least pass all my subjects for BT2 this time! Of course, considering the huge pile of notes and books waiting for me, its going to need loads of time and work and memory space but hey, my heart is filled with anticipation...
Bring it on manx, I dont believe I cant conquer you, or rather, My God can conquer you! (ok its a bit weird cuz im challenging my notes and books but well...) Yes! God is the strength and faith that I need and I am super glad I have somebody to rely on.

Alright, i shall stop here, its getting a bit too cranked up... im not speaking sense, yet im speaking faith... 'Give me this mountain!'

2008-05-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

A few more days left... and then i will be free!!! Free from school free from expectations..well.. not exactly.. but well definitely free!

RED RAIN CONCERT 2008 COMING UP THIS WEEKEND! ITS GONNA BE A BLAST! I SO CANNOT CANNOT WAIT~

2008-05-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

its been so long since i came home so early at three! wow, that's really a treat manx... so first thing after i bathe, i had my QT and then without meaning to, i fell asleep on my bed for like 30 mins... got startled by the telephone but that was a great power nap! then, its just homework and homework and homework but just being able to come home so early was really really great!

alright, have two essays to do, GP and Lit, oh GOSH... the two essays which i take the longest time to do... so much expectations, i wonder while we are constantly studying about characters conforming to society's expectations, are we at the same time conforming to our teacher's expectations? :) I shall do my GP tomorrow and attempt to finish it in school! And then i shall spend the rest of today crafting an argument for my Lit essay... imagine if i take so much time organizing and planning, what do i do in exams? maybe my brain will experience a miracle and process at the speed of light...

Had a really brain-draining maths test two days ago... i think this was like the worst mock exam i ever sat for... 3 hours just sitting there cracking your head, half of the time not knowing what you are doing with 100 people squeezed into one LT... and being unable to talk! its madness...really... i never want to go through that kind of a test again...next time i have a maths test, i will know what im doing, i will do it with joy because i will be able to answer most of the questions! thats not optimism, that's FAITH! concrete substantial FAITH!

on a very random note, they say Life's a Stage... although i really admire those who can act very well on stage, and once, it was my dream to express through acting (surprising, yea? lol) yet, the hardest part in Life really is to be real and stay true, don't you think? You are born an original, don't die a copy!

2008-05-07T07:40:00.001-07:00

A STORM IS BREWING...
ELECTRIFYING...
RED RED RED RED RED!
ITS GONNA RAIN RED
COMING SOON...

2008-04-25T07:51:00.000-07:00

This is unacceptable because i really need to do my work and stuff but i can't help but blog about the Hamlet play i went for yesterday!

$18 for a ticket at Raffles Hotel Jubilee Hall (with white marble staircase and intricate carvings on the wall and all) and yea i got my money worth. It was very good! Especially the guy who played Hamlet! I mean, the cast can really really act and im super impressed. You can tell like they are really into it. Some scenes were really comic, i wonder whether the King's spies are twins. Pardon my sadistic nature, but the part i really liked was when Hamlet was like abusing Ophelia... It was really very very sad to see a love so thwarted because of revenge and for some reason, it just touched my heart.. Oh gosh i really really like to watch this kind of plays and musicals! I've never been to the esplanade before to watch anything and this is the first time i ever watched a proper production although it is quite small scale. A small little dream i have is to watch the real actual Phantom of the Opera in a huge victorian theatre. Haha. This cannot come to pass without money though. Money is not everything but i must admit, it is absolutely necessary. Haha, the play was really hot (so was the guy who acted Hamlet, in a good way because he can really act, Rachel and all were gawking after the play and he walked past me! I din realise until i took a second look, his hair is so well...curly)

Went for a mini cg outing, could only stay for two hours but well, it was worth it, its been so long since i went out properly with the cg. Just love the presence of everyone! @_@

Enya, im so sorry for not being able to go to your party today! I think u and the class did have a lot of fun so that's good! But you know i love you my dear tb! Happy early Birthday though!

Shall go do something else now, chao chao!

2008-04-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

I just need to announce to the whole world that my beloved Father gave me such a strong peace in my heart today although my mind was really whirling and thinking fear at that time!

-Every encounter with God is precious to me- :)

I hope that they will not do anything to me because im seriously thinking about not going school tml... i shall pray...

2008-04-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

it's been too long since i've blogged...and i need to start flowing manx since like all my leaders are blogging...lol

it's been a great great weekend... friday just spending time worshipping with the cg was really refreshing, a fresh anointing of God that revived and saved my tired soul from school and filled it with joy in exchange. Now that is a good exchange...lol... today- had a great heart to heart meeting with Ivan and the rest, learnt so many things about the church that I have never known... one question that left me thinking: am i awestruck by my pastors and leaders? and am i awestruck enough? They have done so many things for us and they are simply the best. Which pastors would write birthday cards personally to every single person in church (there are like 1000 people) and send them to their homes promptly when they have a thousand and one things to do? That is just one example among many many of my pastors' love for all of us.

I want to thank Samantha for taking the time though it was very short to talk to me personally. It has really helped me so much and has brought so much comfort in my heart. I mean, my leaders are more than caring, they are loving. My leaders are more than just leaders, they literally hold the church together. Which leader would take the extra time and effort to teach, to disciple, to love, to sow, to put in their heart and soul just so we can have a great relationship with our God? I think fe's post expresses exactly what i feel as well. All in all, who else can i turn to besides God but my leaders?

Today we are gonna celebrating Pastor Lia's birthday, i dont know whether i can go, but my love will definitely be there.

2008-03-28T05:47:00.000-07:00

Read something today in my devotional that reminded me of something...

Total surrender is a sovereign personal preference for Jesus..

Not for myself nor my own holiness, rather these are the results of my personal preference for Jesus... im working on it, or rather, God is!

Tml got meeting with Ivan again, the practical steps! yay i am excited! =)

2008-03-20T08:53:00.001-07:00

I will never forget this day, the 20th of March 2008, right there right then in my own small room God flooded my heart with His presence...
I was just doing my usual quiet time but there was something different... i think because this time i really asked Him to fill this place with His strong tangible presence and well He did!

Although God didn't say anything, or maybe rather i didn't hear anything from Him, I can just feel His presence... oh yes i did wonder whether its my own imagination or maybe its just me getting emotional again in my prayers...as usual... BUT then, i would not feel so strongly in my heart or rather in my spirit if there wasn't anyone or anything responding to me... THAT was THE MOMENT...

I dont exactly know what God is planning or what is He currently working on in my life... all i know is that i see a trend... He has been revealing to me a different perspective of Himself, through movies, books, church... and they all point to the same thing... i dont really understand but its has really done lots of good...

oh well, my dad wants the com back.. shall stop here for now.. tml's good friday! HOGC having its first ever easter bonanza! KTV, FOOD, SPORTS, ETC ETC... so do come~ like wow, the ministries will have loads to do manx!

2008-03-16T03:36:00.000-07:00

Everyone seems to be going crazy over THAT tune...LOL... and the actions that accompany it is...hilarious.. haha

i seriously need to study... i must bring myself to do it! feel like slacking every one two hours, (which i am currently doing now with Antony and Cleopatra on my lap reminding me of what i have not acheived)... but can one!

i cant wait for block test to be over, then i can read the book fe lent me! (hey fe, i mentioned your name agaiN!) its temptation manx!

2008-03-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Chalet was really great! it took me off studying for awhile... hahas... though i brought my notebook, i studied only like two pages? lol...
and PASSION PARTY was awesome! well, not really a party but watching Passion of the Christ at like 2am with so many pple in one room was.. ok i dont know how to describe.. it was just so different from the first time i watched it.. (i watched it with my family the first time) lol...not only the people, but it just really impacted me more like another revelation of who Jesus Christ is. i dont really know how to explain it but i know my perspective of Jesus changed. The movie portrayed Him to be so humane... the details, the scenes... it was just so humane it tugged at my heart.. and there was irony..

anyway, i too lazy to describe what we did in the chalet, actually, its not so much of what we did, its more of who we were with... you can do exciting things and feel lonely and you can dont do anything yet feel so satisfied... its just the people manx... and i made a new friend! fe's friend from cedar! haha.. probably will be the new recruit to the skinny club.. lol.. and we had a romantic sleep with all of us squeezed into our tiny chalet room with clouds and stars above..the stars were green... lol...romantic right? that's what technology can do..

im enjoying my holidays! supposed to be studying but its good to break away awhile, and anyway, i know that my future is secure!

2008-03-03T06:55:00.001-08:00

i think its really an awesome thing to be able to talk to God anytime at anywhere... the whole journey to school today i was just praying and randomly talking to God about random stuff and it was really great! Felt more refreshed and secure! haha... shall try to keep this up!

i think i have been too preoccupied with school... i need to get connected again to the church! i miss that flow and i am so gonna get it back! =) End times bible study is super super powerfuL! i was gripping my notebook and pen with such excitement during the sessions! Not only powerful, i dont know why but i just feel that its so Beautiful as well! i can't explain it but end times, amidst all the tribulation and blackout, God's love is still so super evident and His majesty, oh wow, i can't even describe nor ever fully comprehend while on earth. i can't wait for the next two sessions!

and i am currently reading regularly the leaders' blogs... ivan, samantha, nadine, fe... its amazing... never fail spur me on to grow and grow and grow and expand and expand and expand! i heart my leaders!

2008-02-27T06:24:00.000-08:00

i think im coming down with a flu or something...Retarded phrase for today: 'My nose is stuck'.. (actually i wanted to say i have a blocked nose) LOL

Five things made my day today... (not in order of imptance)

First: i found or rather received my 'Fasting Feasting' Lit text back today finally!!! It has caused me much disturbance when i thought i really lost it... realised my friend accidentally took it back home.. lol.. well, that's a relieve.

Second: Went to church to serve in Cafe! Its awesome to be spending time serving God with all these amazing people in church! oh and we have a new blender! According to Leon, it can really blend the ice until its like SMOOTH...

Third: Ivan randomly called me today! Gave me a shock but well... its an awesome feeling to be connected with my leaders and the people in church in the middle of schooling week! (although the convo is like less than 5 mins) Sometimes, school just provides inertia that i can really do without... but lets focus on what God has blessed me with!

Fourth: Saw jj, fe, wenqi and pastors in church today! Familiar faces, people that i love and who loves me!

Fifth: Looking at the tags on my tagboard!

Its all little things but little things do matter and its these little things that enable me to move on everyday with joy and love!

Its ok, i will not be distracted nor affected... even though people may not agree with my convictions and what i do but one thing i know for sure, i did the right thing. How can i be sure? when i weigh the pros and cons it seems as if i should have gone with the others but even though my mind is debating, my heart is sure. I know i did the right thing because God is there to affirm it. Its a little disappointing to see the reactions of people i thought who shared the same convictions... i should have known... or maybe, my attitude hasn't been nice the past few days either. There is underlying stress and tension almost everywhere and i can feel it... BUT its not everything, my world's not gonna crumble because of this...i am still going to love people no matter how hard it is.

on the bright side, now i know how it feels, my brother must be feeling worse facing this almost everyday... now i will learn to treat him properly when he tells me about it again...

i can't wait for bible study this friday! im gonna go, and my parents are gonna allow me to..somehow.. can't wait for revelations to pour forth and to return home after a day in the world.

Thanks Chloe for that one phrase u told me today: Please God, Serve Man.

2008-02-21T05:59:00.000-08:00

the 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' book is super amazing! Thanks SEOW for lending me! As in the book primarily talks about dating but actually, it gave me loads and loads of revelation on how to love others and what exactly is God's standard of love... my whole perspective on dating and loving others like totally change and it is still changing cuz i have not read finish... only read like one third and im gaining so much revelation about God's love and what He wants us to do. The years of singleness He gives us are blessings, a time to prepare ourselves for the future. And i also learnt that by dating now, its actually not protecting ourselves and others and also their destinies in God. Not like i ever wanted to go dating now, but its just so relevant and its so true that most of us go on dates to fulfill what we want, our needs, our desires, to satisfy our passions and emotions and then claim that 'its love, we cant control it'. However, we never really think about the consequences... No, its not just about sex or whatever, its about robbing people's time with God and instead of pushing them towards, we are drawing them away from the One they should rely most upon. I guess a lot of ppl may not think so or agree but anyway, its not me they have to answer to in the end, its God. Can u imagine one day God tells me that i had drawn people away from Him cuz i wanted to satisfy my own passions, thus stalling their growth or hindering their destinies? I think i will simply break down and crumble.

Love is others-centred, not self-centred... i am trying to love others, to put others above self... really... its not easy but i realised this is what i gain the most satisfaction from and i love loving others... All in all, the book is super amazing, simple yet revelational. thanks again naomi for lending me!

-A little revelation from God can change my life around-

2008-02-19T05:39:00.001-08:00

My blog is still alive!!! Its just that life is more hectic now and there are definitely more things piling up! But its ok, i am gonna stay alive and joyful cuz i have FAITH!

Currently, im attempting to write an article for my cca in a standard fitting of a lit student, can u believe it?! LOL

2008-02-08T07:03:00.000-08:00

im feeling uber full right now... nvrm... its Chinese New Year, everyone grows fat during this season i hope... shall think about eating lesser next time...

Anyway, this CNY must be the most exciting and surprising CNY i ever had... i went to visit my great grandma and the first thing my mum pointed out to me was the cross hung above the door... my first reaction was maybe its some decoration... then as my parents conversed with my great grandma, i found that she had accepted Christ not too long ago!!! wow, talk about miracles! she's 96 years old... and she looks more fit and more joyful than ever... even fitter than any of my grandmas... hahas... its awesome what God can do...

And then and then we went to my grandma's house and then i think one of my dad's cousin started to talk about how her family went to China to stay for 15 mths and then my dad asked her why she went and she said 'God's Calling.' My ears sort of pricked up and i moved closer to where they sitting.. haha... then they started sharing the gospel and talking about the miracles God did in their lives with my dad! Can u imagine? in the end it was like 5 adults talking to my dad about christianity and asking whether he wanted to accept Christ.. i was like woah... haha... but my dad kept saying he dont noe when the time was right and it was his own prob and all tat but then his cousins kept saying the time is like now and God is just waiting for him to have faith before he will understand more abt the things of God. The verse 'By faith we understand' keeps popping in my mind and im reminded of pastors... haha... i miss pastors! i wanted very much to say smth but i really din noe what to say so i just listened and nod my head at the appropriate time... haha.. i believe one day my entire family will be saved! and my dad's relatives are quite strong christians too! wow...

then my 2nd uncle talked to my grandma and asked whether she wanted to accept Christ too cuz my great grandma did and although he said it is really up to her, my grandma said she wanted! then he asked her whether she was sure and then they crossed their pinkies to confirm... LOL so my dad's aunt will most prob come to talk to my grandma and ask her again cuz after all they from the same generation so most prob can relate better... its amazing la! woah! IM SO AMAZED CAN! GOD IS DOING SOMETHING IN MY FAMILY MANZ! haha...

im still feeling uber full but tml supposed to go meet at Simei at 11.30... so early sia, hope can be on time. yeps, i cant think of what else to say so thats all for now! lol...

2008-02-01T06:39:00.000-08:00

God talked to me today... and i listenend...

GIDEON

HOLY DISCONTENT

A FIGHT ON THE INSIDE

-'Why not my generation, God?'-

sounds familiar? haha ^^

2008-01-30T06:40:00.001-08:00

i shall update on my life...

Things are getting better... i am starting all over again, building my relationship with God and drawing closer to Him. Everything revolves around Him, not Him around everything. And things are starting to happen in SAJC, which is a GOOD thing. Im keeping SAJC in my prayers! The only aspect thats not so good is my studies, but i harbour hope and faith in improving my academic acheivements. (hey twin, there's alliteration!!! creates more emphasis on the determination in attaining the SEEMINGLY unacheivable!) with God all things are possible!

Thanks people for really supporting me! My church, my leaders whom i can always depend on and my God! Ry you are awesome! Thanks for understanding and for taking the time to hear me talk... lol

Though it doesn't seem much, at least i am STILL progressing... ^^

2008-01-25T06:34:00.001-08:00

Ivan preached such a powerful message today! I think this is the first time i ever heard him preach in a proper meeting. And its so powerful! It taught me to think and it spoke so deep into my heart. Yes, I am impacted.

This is my life, my character, my spiritual walk and its my Responsibility to make sure i grow in all these aspects. Take ownership of your life cuz its God we have to account to. Not any other, but God. Isn't it sad that the person whom u have always known and whom u always see serving in church is in the end not in heaven just because he doesn't know God? Serving not equal to knowing. God would rather we know Him first before we serve.

With greater authority comes greater responsibility and lesser freedom. Am I ready, Am i willing?

I will take up the responsibility of building my own character and find all ways to solve my problems and grow in my christian walk. It is MY responsibility and i want it.

-(to ee loo) : The sparkle in my eyes will return- >_<

2008-01-17T05:57:00.000-08:00

the stress of A levels is starting to bug me...

recently, i have become more irritable and easily annoyed and i feel so ready to snap at anyone. this is crap. i hate this. when will it go away?
everytime i keep thinking i can i can, just go a little bit more, a little bit more, keep trying keep trying and then everything seems to be ok. However, i would completely crumble in God's presence. Completely crumble. I know i cannot stop now and i am not going to stop. This is a test that i do not want to fail...

-Hard pressed but not crushed-

2008-01-11T08:02:00.001-08:00

Had a conference just now with the HOGC SAINTS!

We are gonna OWN the school... The School is going to be OURS...

We shall CLAIM it... and Give it to God!

2008-01-07T05:57:00.000-08:00

I expected 2008 to be fun but for the past few days...well...a little depressing... mainly because of people... ever since pastor preached that really awe-inspiring sermon on loving hatefully, i have been carrying around this burden in my heart for people. i hate to see them wasting their lives away and suffering from insecurities because these are what i have and many others have went through before. Insecurities are deadly.

A generation of people that will give God their best years of their lives, excelling in their academics, in their careers, in every area of their lives, yet at the same time, carrying with them a HEART for others.

Love is about initiating, not waiting.

I will not be defeated...

2007-12-31T23:34:00.000-08:00

Alright! 2007 is over and 2008 is here! dey! haha... i dont know how to put this but well, its a mixture of nostalgia and excitement! nostalgia cuz there's school and excitement because there's school and church! truly we have accelerated, truly God has accelerated us... i feel so different...

what could be better than spending the last moments of 2007 and the first moments of 2008 worshipping God and praising Him? truly i would never exchange this special moment for any countdown party or big bash... just spending time with my spiritual family and wishing each other happy new year and seeing the joy of the Lord in everyone's faces is to me amazing.

Pastor preached a sermon that really touched my heart.. i believe it touched everyone's hearts as well. we are not playing church here, we are believing that we can turn the whole situation in this world around. call us naive and impractical, but we have dreams and we are idealistic and i am not ashamed to say that our dreams can come and will come true.

Vision: 'A world class church in a first world nation with a first class spiritual atmosphere.'

-The Best should be in the House of God cuz He deserves nothing but the BEST-

Love sacrificially, Love unconditionally, but also LOVE HATEFULLY. :)

2007-12-18T06:36:00.000-08:00

Yay! After seeing Naomi's blog, i had this sudden desire to post this pic too! Lol! This is my spiritual family!

Team restructure is just the beginning, we are going to grow yea? Not only in quantity but in quality! Chemistry and connection + replicas of pastor how and pastor lia = B Zone!

I really really really love each and single one of you so so much! And i know you all love me too! :)

2007-12-07T21:31:00.000-08:00

I AM SO ANNOYED!

Why must she give homework like now?! like after one month of the hols?! Fine, im not grumbling about the homework load but why must she only give it like now?!

hiax... im still going to complete it anyway, i have to. I really want to glorify God with my studies. to show the people outside there that i can both serve and commit myself in church and at the same time excel in my studies. I have learnt so much in Vacation Bible School! only three days have passed among the six days of VBS and i am so amazed at the encounters and how much i have learnt. Especially in cafe ministry! i am growing in that area, God is shaping and moulding me in cafe and through it, i believe that my character is going to be built as well! its so tangible i can even see it! i have learnt to look and work on all the small details and how to be more efficient and effective in serving others. i have also learnt that what jason said is so true, Admin is about LOVE... lol! For once in my life, i feel like im jumping and propelling up to somewhere with the Holy Spirit's guiding.

Yesterday's VBS was awesome too! Well, the speaker was a bit... but we really learnt a lot. And pastor really loves us! not like i dont know already but he really protected and encouraged us yesterday! The way he actually loved all of us youth and did not despise us at all is truly amazing! i was so touched and so in awe of pastor! i cant wait for next week's VBS manx!

-Me loves HOGC-

2007-11-30T21:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was B Zone BBQ day! lol...i think barbequeing is now like the in-thing...lol, i have gone for 2 bbqs this hols and i think around 3 this year! i love the crabmeat that i bbqued~ inside is soft whereas outside is like a little hard and its piping hot! there were like 50 of us surrounding the bbq pit in pasir ris park... lol...

yea, watching people i know and i dont know do their weird stuff was quite amusing... lol... i realise pasir ris park got a lot of playgrounds lei! next time i shall go play on every single one of them... haha.

i never experienced such a strong sea breeze. the wind was so strong and er i told sylvia that i was flying away and ivan just had to overhear and he just had to tell people that i said that... well, tw says stupid things sometimes... not to mention that tw does stupid stuff too, for example, asking for a marshmellow with toothpaste without even realising... nicholas was asking gong hua to eat the marshmellow he specially took for her and apparently gong hua sensed that there was something wrong so she adamantly refused to eat it. tw just had to ask for it by insisting that she wants the marshmellow. so gong hua happily stuffed it into her mouth and she happily realised that there was extra filling... why am i using third person narrative? this is the second time i got pranked on... the first time when i just arrived, nelson was so nice he offered me an oreo and when i bit like half of it then he happily revealed that there was extra filling in it too... however, im happy to say that im not the only one... leonard also fell for it and from what i heard, so did ivan... lol

later im going for service!!!

2007-11-29T04:26:00.000-08:00

This is a poem and the only piece that i wrote specially for God two years ago on a rainy evening...

The crashing peal of thunder
Heaving turbulent torrents of waves
The thrust of lightning
Splitting
The austere sky in two
Rain peltering down
Threatening to devour
Any offensive signs of life
The sinister laughter of the winds
Mocking the Fall of mankind

The Light of restoration descends
Defying the oppresive darkness
The Light
Jesus
The Lamp
That awakens the spirit within
As sinners cry for salvation
The Star
That adorns the soul
With ornaments of His grace

The thunder bellows
Explosive cries of tormented anguish
Summoning storms that rage ferocious battles in our lives

The Prince of Peace comes
Subduing the vehement storms of
Vengeance

Lightning lashes
A searing scar
Slashed mercilessly across our hearts

The Healer comes
Lathering the hideous wound
With His blood and eternal love

The wind whips
Unleashing
Hatred and contempt

The Almighty comes
Melting the biting frost of fear
With His Word
Transforming them to
Whispers of tenderness and
Songs of Faith

Rain cascades
Clothing the Earth
With the robe of baptism

The King of Majesty comes
Pouring shimmering rays
Of His glory
And His grace
Manifesting the beauty of Heaven
Where the Love lasts forever

I know the structure, the form, the language is not very good even after i edited abit. Dont want to edit too much cuz i want the essence of my 15-yr-oldness to remain. lol. Some parts a little awkward. Actually the first draft of this was very very different. but to me, its just an expression of my awe and love for Him. When i dug this out today, i tot i lost the soft copy cuz i realised i changed com, but luckily i wrote it in a book. Then i just felt so touched, not by my poem but by the awesomeness and love of my God. It was like love all over again. lol. Sounds very mushy but its a different kind altogether, one that i am literally unable to use words to express. lol. haha... i believe all my close friends have felt this love too, so im not the only one and im glad my God loves everyone that He has created.

-A little randomness sometimes doesn't hurt :p-

2007-11-27T07:14:00.000-08:00

Got this from Naomi's blog! the night of parachute band! my cg! or at least, half of it! LOL! we were right at the front below the stage!

2007-11-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

Finaally im blogging again! have been sleeping and running off to church after i came back from camp and also lazing around, so had no time to blog..

Anyway, ZONE B AND C CAMP WAS AWESOME! I kept praying for a breakthrough in my character before i went for the camp and God answered my prayers! i prayed that i will step out and really enjoy my time and make new friends in church and not fear anymore, cuz i still rmb last year i had a nervous breakdown and was getting so jittery just cuz we wont be staying in our cg, but rather in our assigned camp teams. CAMP was really really awesome manx! i miss it now!

besides the activities, what i really liked was free and easy whereby we can just do wadeva we want to and quoting Roy 'its not the activities that hold the camp together, but rather the relationships with people.' and yes i agree! thats why i really love free and easy! can just spend time with ppl and the cg and just talk or have qt! of course, can also bathe, wah, bathing in the bathrooms of my church was so comfortable can!

the activities was fun and my beloved team was christened 'GIDEON KNIGHTS'. lol, cool eh, but well we were second overall, just lost by a margin to 'HEROSE' yep, i din spell wrongly, its really HEROSE. LOL.
Parachute band was wild and the best of all was REVIVAL NIGHT where Charleston really preached about 'Others can, I cannot!' Charleston, u are awesome! I love you! And then the leaders prayed for us all, and i really fell under the presence of God, no one was pushing cuz samantha was just holding my hands and then the presence of God just came. Samantha prophesied and i rmb so clearly 'Everything you touch will prosper...'
It came from God so it must be true! And i was never before so convicted to rise up, to grow, to carry the burden of the church, to assist the leaders in building the church! I rmb God asked me while i was on the floor..'Do you dare?' 'Do you dare to believe?' 'Do you dare to have the others can, i cannot mentality?' WOW! And as we shared later on together, so many ppl had visions and they are so going to grow! i believe it! joel and wee kiat, you all are like WOW! lol. Joel, you shall enjoy every min of your QT and wee kiat, you are going to be that bright white shining gate that ushers ppl into the kingdom of God! And i also rmb God speaking to me in the middle of service on sat. He told me that i am going to be a leader in my school, a spiritual leader. i dont noe how, but its going to come to pass. im having faith cuz He told me not to be dismayed! MY GOD IS AMAZING! but the weird thing in the world is that when ppl speak to God, they call it prayer, but when God talks back to them, they call it schizophrenia. lol

And then the last night of camp was even more cool! i think for two days, i only slept like 2 hrs altogether. Really felt like fainting after 4 am cuz we had games and celebrated Charleston's, Yassy's and Ivan's b'day! for the first time in my life, i actually felt the real sensation of going to faint. but God brought about another breakthrough... we decided to worship and praise Him after 4 am and at first, i was like when is it going to end? i really want to faint le.... but then fe prayed over me and she said that i was a jewel uncut and all my doubts and fear are like debris preventing me to shine. God is going to cut all these away and though it may be painful, but if i continue to trust in Him, the jewel will shine. WOW! then i really gathered all my strength and my heart just burst with worship for Him and i kept singing and praying and before i knew it, it was already 5.06 am! i had a breakthrough in my worshipping!

it is HOGC's tradition that every last night of camp, if anyone was found sleeping, haha, that person will really get it manx. Chew and some other ppl went around squeezing toothpaste on pple's face while they were slping. So me and fe also caught the flow and well, i sort of instigated her to put toothpaste on JO's face. So fe went and put one big glob on JO's nose and nelson went to add on his cheek. But Jo's weird. haha, we wanted to see his reaction when he woke up but he told us that he knew that he had toothpaste on his face but then he was too tired and so he din bother but went back to slp, thus smuding the floor cuz he is a very active sleeper...

And alvin also kenaed by gong hua! such a big glob on his face and thanks to gong hua, it went into his eye... My dear gong hua has a talent for not aiming properly and squeezing toothpaste on pple's eye. i was one of her victim... its more painful than refreshing actually to have the white stuff in your eye... and i finally drifted off to slp on the cafe table at 8 am. well done tw!

yea, i really really miss staying overnight in church now, the encounter with God was truly amazing and im so so relieved i came admist all the jitters i felt at first. ok, this is a really long post, but my heart is brimming with so much stuff i dont noe how to make it shorter. if u read to the end, congrats, cuz u have know tw so much more better now! lol...

-God is AWESOME-
-HOGC is my HOME-

2007-11-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

Alright! im going for zone b and c camp tml!!! yea manx, its gonna be exciting and im gonna breakthrough! out of my fears from interacting and getting to know other ppl... lol... i always get jittery, but this time i shall go forth in faith and confidence! last year was a lesson for me and i totally like blew it, but its ok, this year, tw shall try again!

yea, i hoped i brought everything i need... lol... my mum helped loads. hahas

see ya, im gonna stay over in church! church! church! yea, aren't you all envious already?! lol!

2007-11-09T20:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's CG was powerful! We are gonna break through 1000! However, it goes beyond the numbers, it means that there are going to be more ppl saved, more ppl with their lives touched by the love of God, more ppl finding their purpose and destiny in life, more ppl healed of their hurts and finding the strength to move on in life, more ppl finding their place of belonging in the House of God! From the hundreds to the thousands, its such a breaking point and i want to hop onto God's wave and be a part of this revival!

S16's bbq was GREAT too! full of fun and crapping lala and chocolatey marshmellows! haha. well, despite getting lost and having to run most of the time to find my way, the time spent with the class was really cool. Thanks twin enya and pearlyne for barbequeing food for us, i really marvel at your abilities to actually cook the food properly. most of the bbqs i went had food that were a little weird and slightly raw... haaha...
im sorry that i ate so much...dots...
oh and ryanna, your hair looks great with the fringe and all! haha. violet brown sia... and i hope the scholars have a safe journey home~!

-wheee-

2007-11-06T04:43:00.001-08:00

haha! i had this random tot today to look back into my life so i went to really read the really really long posts that i had written.

And i realised:
my blog posts last time were emo... had a lot of wrong stuff in it. Mainly they were all about korean guys, korean series, my infatuations, my feelings, things that happen to me etc etc. On the whole, it was just no life. Basically, one word can sum up the whole load of things i blogged about: ME... in the past, i was only concerned about myself, me me and nothing else but me... i actually felt a little disgusted by myself while reading all the posts that i posted last time. THEY WERE ALL FILLED WITH FRIVOLOUS STUFF AND WRONG MENTALITIES!

I see the difference, maybe im not very good either now, but there is a difference... my posts now are more joyful and less emo, more God-filled instead of just me me and me. The whole world doesnt owe u something ting wei! haha! I am so glad, thank God for helping me and healing me! if not i would be moping around somewhere confusing myself day after day...
The old tingwei full of scabs had died...now there are only scars in the new Ting Wei!- the evidence of a once painful life completely HEALED by the blood and love of Christ!

Live a LIFE of JOY, PEACE AND LOVE! BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE!

-No longer I but Christ who lives in me-

2007-11-04T04:58:00.000-08:00

Hi hi! im just blogging for the sake of blogging... haha... i dont want to feel emo too often le...emo is just really letting ur feelings overwhelm u and ur thinking... would rather i control my own emotions...

Emo and feeling sad for others is different! emo is usually self-centered.. God, break my heart with what break yours but pull me away from emo! i shall have a big heart for others... i shall call forth the things that are not as those they were! this is not self-delusion...this is an act of FAITH! and God works through faith!

yay, its the hols manz! so many exciting things coming up in church! Getting Started bible study series followd by Enrichment classes followed by Zone B and C camp followed by Vacation Bible School followed by Christmas followed by New Year's Eve! WOW! i still rmb the time a few yrs back when i would stone or simply waste my time away during the hols, perpetually doing nothing... the outings were also few and the fun was also momentary... but hey, i look forward to this hols! cuz i know my life would be changed, my soul refreshed, my spirit more on fire than ever and ready to go back to school!

im amazed at the joy and peace in my heart that is only God-given... even if im not happy, i still have the joy of God in me and this is something that keeps me going, that gives me the courage to smile and be myself even if the situation seems to be real pressing. i rmb once i really felt so emotionally stressed and traumatised i was so desperate to have peace in my heart... i asked a few times and it din really come, so in my desperation, i repeated a verse 'trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight' two times and miraculously, God's peace just really filled me. It was so precious at that time that i just sat still, refusing to move for fear that the peace would go away. eventually i had to but the peace really stayed. As usual, God nvr fails to amaze me nor fail to always be with me...

-No longer I but Christ who lives in me-

2007-10-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

This is what we did today in SA!!!

So exciting! Ponned the whole of assembly to get everything done but well.. it was worth it (even though i think i missed the most interesting chapel and assembly of the year)

Got to know Ee Loo more too! At least, she tried to change my thinking about animals, mainly cats and dogs. She really is an animal lover manz...

Really exciting! We prayed over the lollipops before we sticked them on the lockers and im really really happy and joyful cuz the response was good! real good! i specially went to the lockers area to see the response and people were practically exclaiming that they had lollipops! Im so happy that they are happy and its something that they can enjoy! cant help but kept grinning in school. lol. some people were quite funny lar... haha... and my classmates just had to play a fool... wad the... but overall, it was great!

i did four things for the people this year in SAJC! real cool!

Really glad to see people in our group growing too! Was WOWED!

And to end off the day, CG was great too! Dream Team! it rhymes some more, but thats not the point... lol...

-We are the pioneer batch to try to do something and spark a revival in SAJC and we trust that God will use us to make it happen!-

2007-10-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

WOW WOW WOW!!! i can only use this word to describe today manz...

I AM SO GlAD THAT I TURNED UP FOR THE 1-3 SERVICE! Prayed and worshipped for like one hour straight without even sitting down! Man, it was awesome! I was like quite tired after 3o-45 mins then i started thinking about the people, my school, the things i want to pray for and this desire and fire just rose up in my heart and i started praying stronger than ever, with desire and with faith. Then i felt something just click in my heart and i knew i experienced a breakthrough in my prayer life! This was the longest time i prayed and worshiped without stopping! The song was real awesome too! Loved the lyrics! 'One Love, i have with You' Really awesome and glad manz! Only God can actually sustain me for so long without collapsing on the bright green chair. lol. The sermon also brought me so much more closer to God and in changing my thinking about Him. Pastor Lia's sharing about her childhood was real great! Its amazing but Children can really understand spiritual things!

And 5-7 service was also awesome! Learn to flow with the River and the Holy Spirit! Really just enjoyed the presence of God. It was so simple, i just wanted His presence. Sometimes we worship cuz we want His blessings more than His presence. Someone told me that. And i was impacted. But today i just really spent time in His presence. Its ok even if He doesnt tell me anything yet. Real peace and joy can only be found in God. Whenever i step into church, the peace of God just fills me and i really treasure this peace, wat with all the hectic-ness of life.

I am so glad to see people growing, and becoming on fire! God has touched us in many ways that i cant explain cuz its unexplainable with plain words. Its God, you see. So just have to experience it yourself! Dont be discouraged ppl! God does love you, and me do too!

-when you take one step towards God, God takes ten steps towards you.-

My God loves me!

2007-10-14T22:23:00.000-07:00

ok sylvia, thanks for everything u did yesterday...really appreciate it. haha, no la. ok i blogged about you~

2007-10-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

okay, my twin aka Geraldine sort of threatened me to blog about what happened to her. Im supposed to mention that i love her too. So hey twin! i loves myself, er sorry, you, actually its the same la...haha

ok, for once in my life, i felt so loved by my class. as in by the majority. i've never had that last time. be it primary or secondary school. so i was really quite touched today. Thankew everyone who made it happen! even though promos was really haix depressing but i really appreciated all of you and your efforts in introducing a highlight of the day despite promos! Pink Rawks! currently i have pink fingernail on my pinky. LOL.

Well, was utterly shocked by the JO thingy. but er, have to admit was really happy. super high la. haha. didnt expect the girls to really approach him and ask him to write something on my card. the first thought i had when they told me was 'Liar...' haha. sorry cant help it cuz u all always like to bluff me de and i always too dense to know whether u all lying or not, so must be more defensive ma... =) haha, but well, thanks for the surprises!

such actions can really impact and touch a person's heart so much. you all really inspired me to do more and to love more. Really. I really really enjoy being with S16... i think its God's blessings. and RACHEL LIM!!! That was such a touching er blogpost! except for the er omnipresent orange grandfather's comb part. but i love you too! in the sisterly way, haha.

-S16 rawks!-

2007-10-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

WHOO! WHAT A BUSY DAY IT WAS TODAY!

1-3 pm: Time With God aka No Name Event

3-4.30pm: BM Ministry

5-5.3o: Went to wait for Kenneth with fe... missed praise and worship(sobs)

5.30-7.15: Service~ (RIVER!)

7.15-9.50: Cafe ministry+ Clean up

Then, i went home!

11.05-11.35: Quiet Time

WAAAH! I am so amazed by the number of things i did today, all in Church! except for QT. im feeling immensely drained now, wonder why i still have the strength to type and blog. hmm, felt super tired until i really got quite irritated with ministry, frankly speaking. double dose of ministry today and all physical...wa, really really appreciate all those who have been sacrificing their time and working so hard to build the church. Small little things really count. thats what i learnt today, wa, was sweating like mad during bm. i really need to work on my attitude. since i have to do it anyway, might as well do it with a heart of joy and servititude instead of complaining and focusing on how tired i am. Thank God for giving me strength and for helping me maintain a good attitude towards people even though i really felt like flying back home to my place of rest.

God is really trying to build me lor, both physically and spiritually and mentally. Physically cuz i really need strength to do all the work, spiritually cuz i need to always Look to Him for strength and perseverance, mentally cuz i really need to get my attitude and heart right. But even though i was feeling so tired after bm, Thank God for Miaow Guan who really really encouraged me. His simple but sincere words of appreciation really touched me and opened my heart. Through this, i had also another revelation of the tremendous, and i really mean tremendous Power of Words and Encouragements. Felt so lifted up cuz i really did not expect all this from him cuz i thought i was just doing what i was required to do. Felt quite bad for the turmoil and moments of selfishness and self-centredness in my heart. God please forgive me and help me, change me.

~A heart for others, A heart after God.~

2007-10-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

Ting Wei is in the process of promoting to JC2...
God is also in the process of helping Ting Wei to promote to JC2...

The chemistry paper was a bummer...a real bummer... dont think i will even manage to get a sub-pass =(... disappointing after all the time i spent on studying for it...haix...

shall jiayou for my econs and maths! hopefully lit and gp will really help a lot! i will continue to trust in my God... wad i've just experienced is worldly discouragement... but hey, i still have my holy source of power and strength!

i feel so sorry for u who doesnt have God and yet still tries to cover up your emptiness by mocking and laughing at others trying to pray... maybe u should really get saved one day and taste some goodness in life.

2007-09-23T06:59:00.001-07:00

i feel...the intensity of parental objection...
i feel...so proud of my brother..
i think...it is all linked, my brother is strong even in the face of parental objection and peer persecution..

ONLY GOD can fulfill the needs for acceptance, security and love. Not friends nor family but only God... hundreds of thousands of people have experienced His Love and His unexplainable peace. I am one of them. You can experience the same thing too. He is more than willing to give it to you, completely free of charge on our part. What He only wants in return is your love...

I am sophisticated seventeen! i insist that i am not old! thankew Pastors for the card! thankew Charleston, Ivan and Samantha for the earrings, loves them! thankew Sylvia and Naomi for the donuts, so sweet! thankew Hannah and Lynn for the cards, so beautiful! thankew B4 for the cake, its chocolatey! i shall not feel pain for the cg fund...LOL... and thankew to those who bothered to sms, really appreciate it! =) Last but not least, Thankew God, for all the blessings and for the wonderful people, loves them all!

2007-09-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

Samantha's sharing was so very powerful! the tongue is a very very powerful tool, how many deaths it can cause and how many lives it can redeem...just by the power of words. it is very very scary if B4 is just like any other group of friends in the world. what B4 must really really have is God. no more guys for me, its just God.
the truth always hurts, oh yes it does, but nevertheless, im gonna keep on running the race based on the promises and truths of my loving God. God once said to me i think 'Slow BUT Strong.' Pastor How once told me 'a woman of COURAGE.' So what if im growing slowly? So what if i appear to be the least courageous of all people? God's Words and His promises will always always come to pass. Always.
He works in unimaginable ways, He is dealing with every small detail of my life, maybe that's why im growing slowly, cuz He really goes down to the real minute detail and makes sure that every single spot of blemish in that particular area is gone before He allows me to move on to another area. i realise that is how He works with me. haha. and i realise that when He does that, even though i grow very slow, once i break through out of it, i seldom encounter the same problem or revert back to old ways and faults again. Yes i do sometimes, very seldom, but it does not come as strong, as tiring and as irritating. haha.

'out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.'

2007-09-04T07:48:00.001-07:00

i shall blog about more serious stuff and not all the weird superficial crapping i always come up with...haha

yea, i can feel the changes, the changes in the cell group... like sylvia said, it is the pruning season for God. And there is a need, more than ever, to pull the whole cg together. People are changing, so am i, either we drift apart or we come up together stronger than we were before. i was reminded of one occasion when ger(twin!) asked me why my close friends are all church friends or why i spend so much time with my church friends..cant exactly rmb but it was smth like that... i think at that time i said something like cuz they are really true friends and they are different. not that those in school are not good friends, but there is smth different. now, as i think about it again, yes, there is something more.

the fact that my church friends are the closest to me even though we only see each other once or twice a week is because we have the same Vision, the same Purpose. We know each other's past, we run alongside each other, helping each other along thr0ugh the race, through our walk with God, we know that OUR PAST IS REDEEMED, OUR PRESENT IS FULL OF PURPOSE AND OUR FUTURE IS SECURE. We know that we have all these because of our same God, our same Father. my thoughts, my visions are shared with this group of people in church. through them and through God, i learnt to trust again, i learnt to love. its amazing, truly amazing to see my growth and others as well. though i cant say im perfect and there are many others who are even better than me, i notice the change in me and i am really really grateful. where else can i find this vision and purpose and this chance to define myself as a person except in church, in God? where else can i find friends who share such intimate relationships with each other to the point that we have no qualms in receiving discipleship or rather, correction? of course, this have to be gradually cultivated and learnt, together with our own desire to grow. i was and am still learning how to take discipleship with an open heart.

i feel so much joy when i see the changes in people, the joy of the Lord that really truly emanates from them. i marvel at the lives that have been turned around by God. i want others to experience this too, of course, it does not gurantee an easy life, but it gurantees a relationship with a God that's real and with friends that are true.

and a random phrase. Happiness may leave, but Joy stays. =)

2007-08-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

im so freaking tired and i believe many feel the same way too... and as my head is still spinning ever since that bus ride back home, i've decided to take a break from studying...when i cant even complete my study rule... well... life is getting hectic..

at least one really cool and good thing happened today! i finally went for cafe training and learnt how to use the technological advanced equipment to make coffee! yay yay yay! now i can make coffee for mo mo ren! a pity that the blender sort of crashed and died... but anyways, i attempted to make a decent cup of cappucino and Luke attempted cafe mocha... i so prefer mocha cuz its sweeter due to chocolate syrup. and cappucino rawks too, with sugar. hahas.

i think cappucino is much nicer than latte... but pastor lia likes latte! especially creamy latte!

must try harder next time to quickly pour milk into espresso or else after 10s, the coffee will sort of 'die'... lol... im loving cafe but i cant help but worry that i will make some huge blunder or wadeva... i shall trust in God.

my hair is getting too long and too thick...my fringe is getting annoying..shall go cut hair on friday with seow and seal!

2007-08-19T00:31:00.000-07:00

oh and i must post this!

my boyfriend was just telling me how much i've changed that she dont recognise me anymore, (well, actually she didnt meant it as a good way) and Leonard sort of agreed...He said i last time was very 'SQUARE' which i took to mean i last time very toot toot one... but i still love Leonard anyways...hahas.

ok that was last time! now hee hee, by the grace of God i have changed to become a better person, less square, prettier cuz of the joy of the Lord in me and well...more EGO! lol...

2007-08-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

hahas...feeling quite high now, so shall blog awhile...

I HAD A DOUBLE DOSE OF HIGHNESS TODAY ONCE I STEPPED INTO CHURCH! those who know me will know what happened la...hahas.

anyways, i hearts my cg people! thanks for putting me two seats away from mo mo ren(the tall one) and thanks ah naomi for separating us...lol. well, and i was right in front of the audi, quite exciting, not to mention the huge space i have during praise and worship. Had an upclose view of pastor and daniel!!! lol. and today i er sort of talked to mo mo ren!(the short one)... shall not reveal too much in case others come and see...lol...for more details, can ask me!!!

mo mo ren(the tall one)'s testimony was inspiring, touching and quite heart-wrenching... as in i din noe the details until he said today. 'i want to be a boy with long hair' LOL and it has really come to pass...but i must really say he is mature... if he can rise up that fast, i can too! and we had fire drill today! er quite fun la, having to climb 12 storeys down without being burnt..lol.

i shall move on with life, get my relationships right and choose interesting enemies manz! because the enemies u have determines your life too! ask me if u want to know more! lol..

and i helped out a bit in cafe today! er still quite scared and uncomfortable la, haha, cuz i seem to not know anything and seem to cant do anything without asking questions...lol..well, at least i took the first step to join ministry. i believe i can be stronger and more servant-hearted through ministry! our customers are not burdens to our work but they are our priorities! that really struck me cuz erm well, the service in Singapore er still can have more room for improvement.

basically, it all amounts to two things: I hearts God! and I hearts Heart Of God Church!'

2007-08-14T00:53:00.000-07:00

I am freaking irritated with myself now. freaking irritated... i can scold myself but wat help is that manz? im always the one that's fouling everything up la, me and my dumb ego and my stupidity...haiz...see la, now i know not what to do. now that, is so uncool...and i think i declared to the whole world (as in, those in the cafe, including mo mo ren) that i am a bimbo, a weird one as a matter of fact... but cant help it ma, she just pop up like that so i got a start...well.................

Ting Wei ah ting wei...

2007-08-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

hello hello hello! im blogging in the com lab in my school! apparently we were supposed to do pw but apparently we are doing otherwise...
Pastor sy rogers was great! i LOVE his english, the way he speaks etc etc... and well, he has a wonderful sense of humour. better than mine anyway. lol

i realised that for quite some time, i had been treating God like He was a tyrant. whenever i did something wrong or knew that i disobeyed Him, i would be so guilty and ashamed, and i would think Him to be so disappointed and angry with me. i would ask for forgiveness but i never really did run to Him or really talk to Him like a friend. Pastor Sy really opened my eyes, and well, recent happenings had also caused me to have no choice but to confide in Him and really believing in Him. im not going to treat God like He was some tyrant or something, ready to condemn me and be ashamed of me whenever i did something wrong..rather than only apologise and ask for forgiveness, i will run to Him for help.

Last service at dhoby was...well...joyous, warm but there was a tinge of sadness...after all this was where i really knew God, really grew and really made friends... still rmb the first time i came to Heart of God church, i cried for no reason after service and the sermon wasnt even emotional. now that i think about it, it must be presence of God.. took me super long to realise.. ok i need to go, shall blog again! LOL!

2007-07-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

hihi! im getting tired... woots but im growing stronger spiritually! can feel it manx...see ting wei, i noe u can de! lol. two half-day fast only, nth de ma...haha, actually second day was harder, but well, because im see ting wei belinda and because i have a God, that's why i was able to resist temptation and managed to stay strong manx, even though my stomach was ready to crumble anytime. haha. food is a weaker link of mine. haha, no im not getting complacent, but despite all my complaints and whinings right, i really know that i can one. LOL! next time it will get stronger...

ok, i better not get complacent, sometimes i get better grades or a few encouraging words or praises from ppl ah, i get super frightened, cuz i scared i will get complacent...haha... weird hor. bad results also scared, good results also scared...lol

lalala, im feeling so dry having to study everyday, but i guess what needs to be done have to be done...so yea... tml i want to eat good food! =)

2007-07-13T07:06:00.000-07:00

my exam results are as follows:

Gp-C
Maths-U
Lit-C
Chem-U

hmm...still ok la, but i missed B for both Gp and Lit by one mark, only one mark! haix...i feel so bad la... two Bs are better than two Cs, obviously...
but im quite stunned at my Lit results, din expect to get so high, i got B for my h2 lit and i actually managed to pass my h1 even though i really din noe wat to write! i felt so shocked and astounded when i saw my results i basically just stared, oblivious to what's happening around me. all i rmb is that my first reaction was to really give all glory to God manx...Its Him who really blessed me with His grace and mercy... Thanks God!

okies, so h1 econs coming up next...i shall go for consultations more often and really pull up my grades..dont want to waste one year's time in jc and then find that i cannot promote... Vision manz!

i went to st andrews cathedral today.. had a phobia of church that really looks like a church. the only time i saw this kind of churches is on tv. when i first entered, felt so scared can... cuz i was already scared of churches when i was like very young. then the ceremony was so slow...even though its only 1 hour, the ppl must be feeling super bored la... the hymns were so slow... if i, as a christian cannot stand it and felt so suffocated inside and cant wait for the thing to end, how will non-christians feel? i tried very hard to respect the ceremony but its really very slow... i hope non-christians wont be too affected, thinking all churches are like that, cuz it will be even harder to try to get them to church le lo...haix... the sermon was ok though..

oh and i finally got to know jocelyn better! quite happy about that...haha..=)

2007-07-08T05:56:00.001-07:00

once again another impacting powerful sermon by pastor how, whose wisodm comes from God! wow! its been so long since i can actually visualize something... VISION! yeps! i feel so energized now! vision gives us energy! i cant explain this joy in my heart..

maybe when i tell some ppl about my dreams, they may think im merely daydreaming, but anyway, according to pastor, DAYDREAMING IS FREE! MIGHT AS WELL DREAM BIG RATHER THAN HAVE NO DREAMS! since im like going to dream, i might as well dream big!~ lalala~

no vision = no future cuz vision is really in fact seeing your future... so if u want a future, get a vision! just dream dream dream! vision does not come from self-imaginings but actually from the holy spirit. ask the holy spirit to give u a dream! its lucky i was able to go for two services, how i wish po will really break completely! i love HEART OF GOD CHURCH...where will i be without this home? er gossiping endlessly, putting ppl down so that i can feel better, trying to fit in, still trying to change myself to accustom others, no purpose, no life, no God... sad isnt it? these are the things visionless pple do..thats why their common language is 'SIAN!' i noe cuz i was once like that, and still i see many ppl like that.. clubs and pubs shall crumble, gambling dens shall be overthrown manz! ppl's lives will be restored by the love of Jesus, they will not be blind any longer, but they will see Vision!

im excited!

You said
Mountains would move
Kingdoms would fall
When i call on Your name
You said
Our land would be healed
Nations would bow
When i call on Your name

the song of faith!

2007-07-06T02:19:00.000-07:00

i shall blog, since according to someone, my blog is considered to be 'stagnating'... i wondered how she got this idea, its alive and kicking ok?! hahas...

today was AMAZING RACE SAJC! to me, it was ok la, not very amazing but was better than i thought. i think im the only person from hogc besides jo who appeared in school today..haiz.. all u ponners, im guai k? must learn from me and not pon! hahas... anyway, it was the first time i played three-legged race in my whole life lei~ cools...

but i thought my class was really quite bad la... we actually forgot one of our classmates! the situation was like this... we had to go out of school to collect and take pics of stuff, then there was this guy who is usually quite a loner, and we WENT OFF WITHOUT HIM! its quite sad...only after we were outside for quite awhile then Gordan realised we were missing him... but my class like dun care lei, ask them to call him also dont want...felt quite sad for him though. how can i also forgot his existence? now that i think about it, i feel like kicking myself haha. then when we finally returned, we saw him SITTING AT THE GALLERY ALONE PLAYING HP... i commented he was most prob emo-ing... but when Gordan ask him to come, he din really wanted lei, or at least, he said something along the lines of wait ah or later... ok, i feel sad...even though he usually dont interact with the class one and always loner one, how can our class actually forgot him and dont really care? but i heard he is damn pro at computing la, almost got an A.

according to seal, computing students are like that one...quite true la, he can do a lot with his graphic calculator.. haha... why mo mo ren dao me? i also dunno...dont care also la... haha, a random comment.

ok i just told my mum about my results for maths...

2007-06-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

chem paper and lit and gp done!
i prayed before choosing a gp qns to do, so hopefully it goes well...but i actually couldnt finish my compre! first time in my whole life that i couldnt finish my compre on time during exam...depressing... :(

i din understand at all wat the lit h1 poem was about..took me around 15-20mins or even more than that to start writing for that poem... basically, i just stared and wondered if i should just write something..in the end, i did it by a stanza by stanza analysis...haiz
lousy work...the h2 wasnt really any better... so sad la.. before the exam i got back my lit assignments, the marks was higher than i expected...haiz... i hope i wont be too disappointed...

and chem! 30 mins for the mcq qns.. in the end i just randomly picked an ans for my last five qns...actually i also randomly picked an ans for some of the qns at the front... dots... :(

din noe how to do the energetics qns...basically just scribbled something... oh, but at least i knew how to explain for the bonding qns! yay! my studying wasnt completely futile after all... hopefully, my explanations are correct...diaos haha...left maths!

God, im really counting on You! :)

2007-06-24T07:07:00.000-07:00

If i actually manage to do well for this coming common test, it will be a miracle, therefore, ALL glory shall go to God...

im praying and hoping and having faith! :) smiles!

2007-06-20T07:21:00.001-07:00

this is gonna be a very short post!

JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU! although my studies are currently in a pretty depressing state, but i am so going to trust my God manz...cuz its the only thing that i can do and is worth doing now, besides studying of course.

WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

SMILEZ! :)

2007-06-07T22:27:00.000-07:00

how do i ever manage to spend my holidays two years ago?! with no church, no friends asking me out, just study study and outings with family? now im practically rotting at home when i dun go out...the only thing i do is study and watch tv and read the bible...

its friday and im excited~ bcuz i can finally go out for pastor joakim's service!!! yea manz... seriously, i really had no life last time la...i really really wonder how i manage to spend my hols...i feel as if i practically slept thru it... now i cant stand the idea of lazing around at home...feel as if i've gone fat! haha. me hearts HEART OF GOD CHURCH! pastors are more than just figures of authority in church whom we respect and hear the Word. they are my spiritual parents. through their actions and words, i can really feel their love for us. thank you pastors for sending each and everyone of us birthday cards when its our birthdays and for blessing us when we are really financially broke. i will sacrifice and build the church.

sacrifice-willingness to suffer with a purpose; there is a choice
suffering- its just mere unwilling suffering; there is no choice

=)